i'm focused but i'm losing control.

bloggerrr i've missed thee.

i'm kind of sad that hommemodel.blogspot.com is going to be invite only starting in september. i don't really love that blog enough to ask for an invite nor am i the type to really ask a person in general. i'm always the one finding an alternative or figuring out things on my own.

i'm trying to recap what's happened since vegas. well i ummm didn't go my friend's little birthday gathering but whatever...it was sort of her fault for not telling me when i should've left my house. i'm also a little darker because i washed my car and my mom's car in my swim shorts for 1.5 hours. i've been wanting a darker glow because of my acne scars on my forehead and right side of my face...T-T... my other coworker had his 23rd birthday too and i went to celebrate it with him and my older peers by potluck. i just brought a 6 pack of "spiked cola" because i love soda and they like alcohol, so it's like the best of both smashed together? lol. i liked it and so did my other friend but then some other people said it tasted like captain morgan...lol. it tasted like those japanese cola flavored type candies but in actual cola form...to me anyway.

i had some rather gross and disappointing beer and yeah...i think "s" knows that i'd rather take shots than drink beer now lol. "s" also thinks i should take dragon boating with him as a hobby because of my "buff" body... - _ - ~ ...hope he forgets about me mentioning that i would "try" it but i probably wouldn't take it up as a regular basis thing. but anyway, the birthday boy went down...like pretty fast...i thought it was kind of odd that he couldn't control himself or knew his limit. he was like SUPER happy after like his second shot of vodka and he even asked me if i was going to take any. i said that i'd be driving one of the girls home the first time he asked but then he asked again later and i was like "sure~ one for you" and yeah...he took like maybe 6 or 7 full'ish shots and a bottle of that beer. i guess that's a lot but if i was full and i took that much i think i'd just be buzzin' by then...and probably pissing a lot because alcohol makes me go pee like mad.

i had like half or a quarter of THAT crappy beer pictured above, two shots of grey goose vodka, and some good wine that pretty much tasted like grape soda and i was totally fine. he, on the otherhand, was yackin' that shit out from like 9-11pm before he crashed on the couch, lol.

my closest peer was sort of in a drinking competition with him too and she was like really hysterical and loud after like the 3rd or 4th shot but she wasn't on the verge of barfing. she was totally normal by the time i took her home though (around 1:30am) which was good for me. i REALLY did not want to like...drag her body into her house haha. i literally would have just left her body on the driveway and drove home LOL...or maybe i would just take her to my house and leave her on the living room couch and my parents or brother would be like "who the hell is this" if they found her on the couch.

continuing on with my adventures with my "alcoholic" peers...

i went to a bar in little tokyo on a saturday. birthday boy's belated birthday potluck was on the thursday of that week but he didn't come with us. it was kind of boring at the bar anyway because we went to support a friend who's in this nisei pageant thing and we were suppose to meet up with her there but she didn't even show up until past midnight. we were at the bar from 9 to midnight. we basically just snacked, took shots, and drank beer.

coke and some shot i don't know the name of.

very yummy lemon drop shot. it literally was like shooting lemonade down haha. i love that little sugary part you're suppose to put your lips on too

not pictured was a shot of another brown liquor called con-yak? konjak? *blegh~ and some big beers...shock tops and uhhh sapporo? kirin? one of those japanese city named beers? i don't know...i don't like alcohol...-___-...but yeah...beer sucks...the most. i'd rather take shots of vodka or soju.

after leaving that bar in little tokyo...i was errr forced to be the designated driver because i looked most sober and they didn't want the girls to drive. i didn't hate it or anything because i knew how to get home anyway but yeah...the only annoying thing about going home from downtown via freeway is the short distance i have to switch to the freeway i need to get on and that freeway is fairly busy because it's like one freeway that splits into 2 or 3 seperate routes. i made it back though. we stopped by ralphs to redbox a movie. they wanted to watch a scary movie. i'm pussy shit. i don't even know why i stayed over to watch.

who'd be more sober anyway? me (who's 5'6.5 and 165~170lb) or "s" (who's 5'11 and 175lb)? lol but i'm 22 and "s" is 34, if that matters.

the gang.

we watched insiduous (sp?) which is like any other horror movie with a kid that interacts with other spiritual beings. it wasn't horrifyingly scary but i was still paranoid that night, ESPECIALLY in the shower where i was scared to close my eyes for too long, lol. in that picture above...i hit my head under the ummm high waist stool table thing...it was so retarded of me...i don't know how the hell that happened...lol...so i moved to the other side and watched the television over there...

i wore this that day...and hid behind my denim jacket during the movie *shifty eyes*

hair was a mess after the movie...and the paranoia of a cop pulling me over @ 3am

i got that denim jacket from pacsun for like 33$? scoop neck tee from cottonon for 5$~7$? belt was also from cottonon @ like 6$ something. jeans were from f21 and it's those 3 button type crotches and not the zipper + button type. the most bottom button fuckin' broke off that night *cry* lol i'll probably still wear the jeans but yeah...i can see what they mean about f21 clothes not lasting...i wonder if those jeans were even a year old yet but whatever, it was only like 20$ something. bracelets from h&m one was like 3$something and other was a pack of 3 for like 5.99$...yeahhh i never list the prices of my crap because i'm like horrible at this HAHA. it's not like anyone even cares. if anyone cares enough, the person would ask me anyway. 

and then a couple days ago, i was so bored that i decided to retheme my phone. i've uninstalled golauncher since because i have to do multiple taps on an app to open sometimes and it was totally bugging the shit out of me. i've also installed a version of skype which was modified to work with my phone's front cam but i don't even have a skype account so i basically just installed it if i ever wanted to skype...which will be, like, never.

here's all my apps and such.

yeaaah...wish they had more iphone/itouch games on android. if i had the gingerbread update...my top bar would be black too...but mehhh not yet...if ever.

my friend on friday asked me if i wanted to go to D23. D23 is a Disney Expo in the Anaheim Convention Center which is right by Disneyland and Disney California Adventure. I saw a glimpse of the backside of Paradise Pier as we approached the convention center. I was in awe~~~ *glissening eyes*. my friend said so far it was her, this guy named robert (who i've met before), and suppose to be belated birthday boy when she asked me but he flaked and so i like sent a text to my closest friends to see if they had no plans and wanted to come with me but none of them could go (not surprised). my closest friend out of the bunch texted me something along the lines of "um...i'm at the airport waiting to go to korea" and i'm like "oh HAHA...i thought you were leaving tomorrow"...but yeah...she's in Busan now...going to be a long year without her. I won't be able to text her when i'm in school and work...*cry* huhu...*tears*...

but errr yeah...i had an extra ticket but D23 was nice...there was a lot of art for sale but they were expensive as hell. there wasn't much disney freebies or we didn't walk around enough to see. we actually went kind of late because my friend and robert were out for breakfast and i met up with them at like 1:30pm. we got there maybe around 2'ish. we walked around until like 5 and then got in line for the first public showing of "The Lion King" in 3D. When the movie was over...all the exhibits were closed and we headed home for dinner because we didn't really know what to eat around Anaheim...that, and Robert is vegan so we had to like...find some place that served something for him lol. 

the first exhibit we headed to was some volunt'ear thing centered around planting plants and gardening. we had the option of setting up a pot to grow a plant or paint and we opted to paint. basically we are giving a little blank canvas and we're free to paint whatever we wanted but obviously everyone painted something disney related or something to do with earth so i pretty much bandwagoned that idea.

robert's is the one next to mine...the one that's really dark with the weird smiley

my friend's one isn't pictured but hers was like a pink mickey silhouette basically lol

 this is mine. originally i was trying to draw mickey's head too...but i'm horrible at drawing so it ended up being like a mouse-bear...and then i drew a bunny with some hills and a flower with a sun rising. i wanted to put my name, so i did, and then placed hearts in all the empty spots LOL. i also put a silver cloud...my friend said it was super cute...lol

the wooden block things become like these boxes that kind of look like those farmed bee hives. i should've taken a picture of some finished ones but i was kind of paranoid with picture taking because outside stated you aren't suppose to but everyone was taking pictures inside so i just used my phone for awhile before taking out my DSLR occasionally. 

other than that...there was just a lot of stuff on display and stuff for sale.

 

so yeah...other than the wandering around...we got in line for "The Lion King" and i totally wasn't expecting anything amazing or anything since it was just the same movie from like over a decade ago but remastered with 3D, but i admit that i was a baby and still got teary eyed. i think its better watching it again now anyway because as a kid i didn't really get the jokes in the movie but now i do. i also got the lesson of the movie more than i did previously because as a kid, all i'd like to know is what happened and nothing else. 

that nostalgic feeling was like...ughhh goosebump worthy. it was kind of cool too after watching tv for so long that you can identify the voices. for example, as a kid, i would have never knew that one of the hyena's voices was whoopi goldberg and the voice of nala was one of the girls from the cartoon "The Proud Family". there was also so many different accents going on in that movie that it was kind of funny haha. i would've never noticed that as a kid. 

the movie left me with the drive to continue to be better, know myself and never forget who i am and where i came from, don't run away from my problems/the past...etc etc...

everyone who went to watch the 3D screening got those lion manes? yeahhhh i look stupid wearing mine.

awesome grainy front cam pictures with our 3D glasses.

 SO yuuupp~~ i'm beginning to really think that a camera really adds 10lbs now because my friend looked really nice and skinny at D23 but the pictures proved otherwise...lol same applies to me...lol

me with this cute ariel thing

this is basically the stuff i got that day. my friend gave me a pack of her nexcare acne tape for me to use. i'm not really sure if they're working but it does seem to be absorbing the secretions from the pimple areas...so it'd keep my pimples/former pimples flat.

we had cafe xpress for dinner. i was going to get some pasta but my friend said they had a lot of types of asian food for a hong kong styled restaurant and i was like "whattt?" and she showed me the part of the menu i missed. i basically missed all the bentos, thai, and korean type foods and i was like "woooah they have bibimbap", so i got that instead because i've never had bibimbap before lol.

the hot ceramic? clay? iron? bowl was soooooo big. it was kind of hard to eat off of because the bowl kept the rice mix pretty hot @_@ but i had a plate and placed bits there to eat lol.

dinner was delish though....mmmm only shitty thing that's come by is a fucking JURY DUTTY SUMMON in the mail T__________T. fuckin' aye. i registered for it the night before D23...now i have that to look forward to...next month...week of 9/19...i start school the thursday of that week too...fuck man...i hope that i don't need to go...or...i have to go on monday but i get dismissed between monday and wednesday...AHHHHH hope for the best...-___-....i'll be going to a new school too...and i might possibly have to miss the first week or two...lame shit. i'll also miss serveral days of work -___- sigh balls*

my first jury summon was in 2009 and i used xanga to blog about it. i've moved to blogger since. "s", who's 34, got his first summon recently. WTF MAN!!! lol i've gotten two now!

on the bright side, i got my ASOS package that i've been longing for. i bought these...

i bought gladiators and two layered tanks. i actually think they sent me the wrong sized gladiators but they fit fine so i'm happy. i'm pretty sure i asked for a size 10 and not 9...

cheapest gladiators i've run into...19~20$...could've been cheaper if i ordered them now because of the 20% off discount going on right now -____-. just my luck

7GBP each...which is about 11$ each

recently, i ordered some jeans from pacsun since my khaki jeans are like semi broken.

skinny twill jeans in gray and black coated skinny jeans...bogo free @ 49.99 + 15% off + free shipping = 22$'ish each after tax and all. the black jeans only had 31x 32 online though...so i hope the inseam is shorter than usual. if not, i'll just ask my mommy to help me shorten them...hmph T^T

too bad i don't look as cool as the model does in my tanks. i've been beginning to dislike how i look in pictures, so i've decided to cut my protein intake and try to get leaner/shrink a little.

i don't really like how inflated i look and i swear my legs are getting chunkier or something. i mean...yeah...i'm all for looking proportional and everything, but i want leaner + less puffy arms and chest, and a nicer torso. i'm basically giving into what my mom is saying about me "getting wider" ughhhh parents and my skewed self perception...not sure about my goal weight now...but weight isn't really important anyway...

sooo i'm cutting my protein shake intake in half from 3 times a week @ like 60g of protein? to 3 times a week @ around 30g so i'd just have enough to not feel like crap the next day. i'll continue eating low carb'ish and get more cardio in...ughhh so much work...lol...must not think too much about it.

strangely...

my friend and i saw a buddy of ours "b" @ cafe xpress hahaha and i was like..."hey isn't that 'b' over there?" and she's like "yeah~~i wonder where 't' (his girlfriend) is". i then replied "i didn't know he was so buff..." and she said "yeah...he goes to the gym a lot". that fucker was like totally like interrogating me about how much i've working out and what i've been eating and shit and he's beastly himself -___- this was like maybe a month or two before. he was holding his phone and his arm was like a frackin' turkey leg but magnified like, iono, 10 times?

this will remain my goal body...

i'm not ballsy enough to photograph myself in my undies sooo...i'll do it in my swim shorts lol

 mmmmm~~ my muffin top so sexy ~___~ as well as my fatty droopy bewbs, grab-able love handles, and pudgey lower abs.

so yep...time to tighten up. i've got this far...i got to go the whole nine yards.

oh haha...i forgot to mention that my friend bought me glycolic acid from amazon which is what they use when you go to a skin clinic for a facial peel, sooooo i won't be surprised when my face turns into fried chicken for awhile AHAH.... i can't wait to give myself some facial peels though...someone come do it with me and hold my hand while it burns our faces LOL jk.

that's all, ciao.