Been so many things when I was someone else...

Someone once said that my blog sucks because I don't update it on a regular basis but I beg to differ, since @miss dadasque and I blog at about the same frequency (which is ranges from every 2-4 weeks lol). And not only that, she has about 6x more followers than I do.The only thing I'm missing is "lookbook-esque" pictures of myself. Having followers is nice and all, but I don't really care. It takes the fun out of blogging if I were to take every measure just to get exposure. I, for one, find this very therapeutic (ahaha).

I can't backtrack all that's happened over the month but I'll go into detail about the significant things which isn't at all that interesting because I'm like one of the most boring and awkward people ever, but yeah.

Well, first of all, I spent my latter half of May with throttled mobile internet. And not only was my mobile internet throttled, but my DSL modem pretty much died. It'd power up but pretty much all lights were red and it wouldn't be able to connect to the internet at all. I bought a modem from Amazon and forgot my friend had prime so she could've just shipped it to my house, but whatever. I don't really suffer since I don't play online games. I feel like I've typed about this before but I don't know. I use to hate people who would tell me the same stories over and over again because they can't keep track of who they've told them to and I've sort of become one (lol). In high school, I straight up told this girl about it because it annoyed me so much. But anyway, I'm using my old netgear router from the early 2000s and I think it's so outdated that it makes my internet hang for like 30 seconds every so often. It still works though, so I don't want to waste anymore money (especially since I pay for all this and my ungrateful brother doesn't for ANYTHING).

Onward with technology failing on me, my slave drive (which was my previous hard drive from my desktop back when I was a high school freshman [around 2004?]) died, took all my music down with it, amongst other things, but it's fine. I do miss a chunk load of my music though and I'm too lazy to gather all my CDs and re-import them. Especially since my desktop is kind of on his last leg, I don't really see the point. When the hard drive wouldn't read anymore and I rebooted my desktop, my DVD burner icon also disappeared. Strangely, both icons appeared again yesterday and I tried to recover my music but when I tried to explore the folders, my desktop would lag like SHIT. I ended up rebooting once again and my computer wouldn't get past the XP load screen so I ended up unplugging my slave drive once and for all. When I build a new desktop, I'll be smashing that hard drive with a hammer (lol). I took this "developing" world class and saw where e-waste is disposed and it turns out rather than being recycled, they end up in Africa or China and people dig up hard drives and are able to recover lots of stuff from trashed hard drives. I'm already paranoid as is with receipts and mail, so I shred them all the time. I even rip off the packaging labels from online orders and shred those. I'm weird. ahaha. Better safe than sorry.
I'm thinking about a budget of 800$ for my future desktop and the specs would be along the lines of

New case (alignment of my current fans often go off and rattle + the additional USB ports on it are dead)
An at least 3.1ghz quad core processor AMD or Intel (don't really care, I've used both)
1.5+ TB internal hard drive (and making the hard drive (500gb) of this desktop the slave drive )
8gb of DDR3 ram
A mid-range video card (I don't play games...much...or...at all)
blu-ray burner
I'll need a new motherboard
I might reuse the power supply...not sure if it'll be enough though

I think that's all the components I'll need.

At work, I had this incident one day where one of our students had a fever and it wasn't going down so I rushed to CVS to buy some children's Tylenol for her. I think that's probably the most adult-like I've ever felt (running to CVS, buying children's Tylenol so one of my 40 or so children wouldn't feel like crap). She was on the couch hugging a stuffed dog with her shoes off so she wouldn't get really hot. What a tantalizing thought that (being an adult thing) was. I couldn't even find the Tylenol at first and was going to get a generic one but once I did, I saw that the active ingredients were different so I just followed my friend's instructions since she knows more about handling children than I do. The generic had Ibuprofen as the active ingredient and I forgot what the Tylenol's one was.

Fitness wise, I had a Captain America moment when I worked out one day with a punching bag (well, it wasn't really a bag but a stand with a thing to punch and kick). It was awesome because punching the air isn't the same. I need to get myself one of those but yeah...expensive (+ hanging the bag with the clip grinds whatever you hang it on overtime...eck)

Totally channeling this...lol.

I had a yoga session the other day and was totally half assing it because of the lack of sleep I had this week. I also felt super weak yesterday working out but...pulled through it because yeah...my shoulders burned more than usual. 

I wish I was leaner...I'm like...shapely...but not very...ugh...I have lines...but they aren't nice lines...I also don't have a muffin top but I have a shelf of lower stomach fat...ugh...damn my love of eating out. lol.

I don't think I've ever posted one of myself in natural lighting. I'm so wide. I suppose it's better than having a very womanly waist because I've literally seen dudes post pictures of themselves and I just imagine cropping out the bottom hip and above the rib cage and then WALLAH~! could've totally been a female. Likelihood that I flexed in this? very, but it's not that much different. When I'm full from eating...I can't even suck in my stomach much...lol. I need a tan...~

In 2009, I use to think I was okay and took pictures like this...

And today! Not that I'm full of myself or anything. I actually find the one picture of my back kind of gross, lol. I don't feel like I look that way in pictures either...heh.

still rocking that farmer's tan.

I've come a long way since my days in high school. I use to be really skinny. I did try to get a hotter body back then with workout videos but I never noticed much gains until post high school because that was when I really did my research. I never joined sports because I suck at sports. You also have to try out and I hate interacting with people. I was a dancer for two years but it took a lot of courage to try out for that too. Even then, I was made fun of for my voice and whatnot. I also felt really ugly after my 2009 Toronto trip so I was really set since then. The whole story behind me getting to where I am today is mostly because of vengeance. As weird as it may sound, I always felt unwanted and out of place. I always felt like everyone's plan B. I was just always around but never part of a clique and I've said that multiple times in the past, lol.

I felt like no one ever wanted to know me for me. No one was ever really a friend. They'd say let's do this or this and never follow through. People just wanted to mooch off me and whatnot then, so I made an effort to really change myself for the better by changing myself physically. Mentally, I've learned to just care for myself and screw everyone else for the most part. I don't care for opinions. I don't care if people don't want to make plans with me. I don't care, period. I looked really different in high school, trust. It was to the point where I actually don't really have any pictures of my old self (lol). I also felt like no one cared to know me for me because I couldn't drive until almost the end of my senior year and my parents NEVER EVER would consider taking me to the mall and buying "nicer" clothes that everyone else had, yanno? My parents have this weird belief that our town is big enough and whenever I tell my mom I'm went to Koreatown or something now, she'd go like "do you really have to go that far?". I'm like..."ummm far is like San Diego. You have to be crazy to live in Los Angeles and not journey to the far ends of it". But anyway, I always wore like the most plain, tacky, and baggy clothes from Mervyn's and Target because they were the only department stores in town. And not to mention, this was before Target got more fashion saavy. I never went to prom. I would lie and say I already had a date. My parents were already paying for dance team stuff so I didn't want them to pay for prom or winter ball stuff. Part of why I chose to pour myself out via blogs is because no one really cared so I might as well just let things out by blogging than letting thoughts devour me from inside out. In a way, I guess I've become a bit vain and materialistic...but I'm still humble and grounded(or at least I believe so...eheheheh).

These days, I do feel like I've half accomplished that goal and now I just need to make myself really successful at something so I can really shove it in their faces. I feel really disadvantaged at this point because it's another year where I see everyone graduate while I'm still in school. I had lunch with some of my coworkers the other day and I barely learned that one of them was 21, already a UCLA graduate (learned via Facebook), doing her 1 year teaching credentials, and moving on to her masters after that. I felt so old and disadvantaged after realizing that (+ she's really smart, pretty, and athletic [I know, super attractive, right?]). And to add, I learned that my relative is a youtube guru so I know she's making hundreds, if not, thousands of dollars from Google per month. Xiaxue, for example, makes around $5,000/month from Google which is around $60,000 a year. Ahh~ if only I had something I could lay back on like...rich parents...or a trust fund....or something.

My relative is "ilikeweylie" from YouTube but I call her my cousin because it's so much easier than all the names you have to appropriately call all your relatives. In English, it'd just be aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa. And in Chinese, there are SO much more. Her dad told her to call me her uncle but that's weird as hell! First, I'm too young. And two, my brother did not impregnate another chick who's now 18 years old. 

The whole story about how I found out was a week after dinner with our parents because my parents want me to show her around and meet her in case anything was to ever happen. This was the first time I ever met her and it was awkward as hell but I  offered to show her around when she moves down here so yeah...and she should be moving in this weekend or next week because her mom said she would be done with school on the 14th (which passed).

But anyway, I totally digressed. I found out after I woke up one morning, brushed my teeth, went out to McDonald's for food, proceeded home to eat in front of my computer, and went on tumblr. Upon going on tumblr, there was the suggested tumblrs box and I saw her name in one of the screen names so I clicked it thinking it's just coincidental and was like "holy fuck!" because her tumblr was super popular. I learned from a follower of mine that she got really popular from some tampon video she did...heh. I went on her youtube channel after being in shock and found that she had 260,000 subscribers. I was in such disbelief that I couldn't even really finish my big mac and had to go to work in like 10 minutes. I ended up leaving the last bite of it on my brother's desk and ran to work. It was one of the strangest mornings ever. I'm not really close to any of my relatives because that they're all older and care about their own stuff, so I'm not really friends with any of them. I've never met someone really popular on Youtube either so that was weird. I did, however, see Phil from Wongfu cross the street once because I live in the same area as them, lol.

I told my mom during our Costco trip about how she's really popular on the internet but my mom doesn't know crap about the internet so she didn't understand. She just said how her dad was good at business so it's sort of natural for her to be the same way, and then proceeded to ask my why I'm not as "smart" as her. I replied "well...I didn't even get a digital camera until I graduated high school. you and dad would never buy me anything I want". Ugh...times sure have changed. I also discussed this with Lisa in the past about wondering how it'd be to attend a fashion school because when we were in high school, basically you were going to a UC or you pretty much fail at life.

I also remember in high school how amateur those videos to promote the school dances were and now everyone has DSLR's capable of HD recording along with macbooks to edit, so it's near production quality these days. Not to mention, everyone has an iPhone 4 these days too, and you all know how it has one of the best cameras around so you don't even need a DSLR for that.

So yeah...I had lunch the other day with my coworkers at Cafe Maji. It's a cute korean cafe Lisa found on yelp and embarrassingly didn't know it had a strange AS HELL location. We went again the week after not finding it. Another week or so after, my coworkers were trying to make up their minds about where to go for lunch because we never go out. They wanted to go to Savoy which was totally fine with me since I've never been there and I've never tried Singaporean food either, but I mentioned that if they wanted to go to a cute cafe, they could try Cafe Maji. It was the last day of school, so we all sat in an open area of the workplace, played a movie for the kids, and laid on the floor with our phones. My friend was like "ahh~so cute" while looking at it on the yelp app so they settled on it. I think they all really liked the place. woo~ : )

I had to water this one down because it was a bit sweet. It tasted so much better after I did so.

Bulgogi Sandwich

Chicken Teriyaki Sandwich

The girl was so nice and gave us three slices of pie as samples! I felt so bad that no one tipped after that...but I learned that no one tips at that place either way. I should've said something though...ai...

My inner shopaholic bought some undies and other stuff, but I really need to stop with the undies (lol). Nordstrom has a sale right now on mens stuff AND they have free shipping without the need for rack up at least 100$ in your cart unlike Macy's, but I didn't buy anything. I could've bought more undies from there though (ahaha...).

I needed new sneakers so I bought these Keds because they were only 25$. I sort of regret it because they don't go well with my wide feet so I tried to stretch them with CDs. It works but not enough. I totally felt like I was getting my foot binded but it's getting better...just need to wear them a bit more. From now on, I'll stick with Vans, thanks...

And I must say, these are the best fitting trunks/ borderline briefs I've ever had. I only got them for around 12$ too because no one in the right mind would pay 26$ for them.

I bought some dry shampoo to see what the big deal was. I think I saw "stylesuzi" talk about that one so I decided to try it. I bought some witch hazel toner since I ran out of my usual Neutrogena Pore Refining one. It smells like old lady but I'd rather smell that than the original formula which smells like effin' bread. These were from drugstore.com.

I bought some dye in Light Ash Blonde (Cooler tone) too and hopefully it'll show up better than my last experience. I don't remember which brand I tried last time but yeah. I'm not ballsy enough to go red just yet. Maybe that will be my winter color...These were from Target. The Mr. Happy journal was from the dollar section. I've always wanted a Mr. Happy (or just any Little Miss Sunshine character) fitted t-shirt but I never see them around. I don't want to buy it online T____________T because they come from weird sellers. I'd rather go to Hot Topic or something...

I also got a neutral palette but I don't feel the need to show it. I wanna try this look because I really like it.

Angst ridden Simon

The palette should be perfect because there's a shade light enough for the eyebrows and pretty much the whole eye. Let's see what I can do next week!! lol.

After lunch with my coworkers, I went to the mall because it's just down the street. J said she was down to walk it with me so we pretty much had a short walk in it together to our usual stores. I'm so glad I did go because HM put a bunch of stuff out for clearance so I tried on some pieces and walked out with a new pair of shorts. I have so many shorts already but these fit like a glove, lol. I actually tried on a pair of 33R's but I noticed the stitching was kind of bad so I went to search for another one in the same size. I'm SO not a morning person, and ended up leaving with a pair of 32R's because the 2 really did look like a 3 at the store. -___-! However, I did match up the shorts and compared them (like my mother would) before actually taking the 32's to the register. The waists were almost exactly the same and the threads were sewn much better on the other one. The back pockets were even still threaded, so I opened it like you would a big bag of rice. O__o. 31 or 32 is typically my pant size anyway, but yeah...33 seems to be the safe number for me when it comes to HM. Either way, they fit. Here are pictures.

They were 15$ which is a rip off in a girl's perspective and...okay...in a guy's. Orig. 30$ which I don't know who in the right mind would buy it for that much because you could buy actual full length pants or a pair of sneakers with that.

Here they are modeled. I had no idea my TV was reflecting light from my closet. I should've turned it off so the lighting of the picture would've adjusted better. Don't stare at my butt, lol.

Okay, that's it. I'll post pictures of my hair soon.
I re-read this twice. Hopefully I don't sound like my brain kept going off every paragraph or so anymore...