Saturday, December 5, 2015


Welp! I'm finally done with jury duty. I'm SO GLAD that I won't have to show up again on Monday. I hope the other annoyed potential jurors in my case were filtered through before the day ended but judging by how the judge and the lawyers worked, I highly doubt it.

My stupid duty fulfillment basically went like this:

Day 1: I showed up around 8 AM and prayed for there to be no cases for the day. I got called to a case 45 minutes before lunch time. After lunch, I tried to plea with the judge that I'm unemployed and I'm living off my savings, but he gave me a unsympathetic dick-ass reply, so I didn't get excused and went back outside. This was also after I told the judge that if I was to be chosen for the jury, that I would base my decision on whatever speeds up the case. I think after sitting for awhile, I realized that the votes would have to be unanimous to find anyone guilty or not guilty? Well anyway, I was lucky enough to get an early number, so I sat in the jury panel and everyone got this dumb questionnaire to fill. It was the usual crap like...occupation, the occupations of other people you live with, ever had an incident with this or that, and if you can be "impartial" to whoever was on trial. Obviously, I can't be impartial when my ass is trying to get my life together and prove to my parents that I am doing okay, so my answer to that question was, "I'm a  self person and I don't care to listen to [these people's] problems when I have my own. I also think the system is flawed and easily manipulated". After filling out that paper and signing it, the judge let everyone go home for the day, so I just hurried the fuck home before traffic got heavier.

Day 2: Aside from hearing what everyone answered, when it got to my turn, the judge read that I was unemployed and a video editor. He asked me how long I was doing it and then asked me about my run in with "the law" which I brought up my uncle's DUI situation from a couple years back and if you know me, I come from a family of heavy drinkers which is why I absolutely despise drinking culture and going to bars to socialize. My uncle's an idiot and that's besides the point. I basically said it so that it would seem that I have something against the police. He then read my bitch answer from day 1 aloud but left out the "problems of my own" portion. I got a few laughs which was nice. He tried to "shake" me by asking if I say that in job interviews and I answered everything with a YES or NO. He asked me if I was lying to him or the job interview question and it's like...I'm not some idiot. I answered with "I'm not lying to anyone. They don't ask that in apps" and then I said that if I was asked whether I am a selfish person or not, I would say that I love myself and I'd do a good job because of it (which is poorly worded and stated but I couldn't think of a more "diplomatic" answer, at the time). If I took more time to think about it, it would've replied something along the lines of "I would say I'm self-confident" to counter such a dick question. After passing me over to the next juror, I sat there til almost 5 and I was SO hoping for the lawyers to decide who to excuse before the day ended so that I would be free, BUT they excused pretty much everyone else besides me. I didn't mind all that much because thinking back to it, because they excused all the women and older people first.

Day 3: I wasn't expecting to be the last one to show, but I was. We had an arrival time of 10:30 and I got to the room at around like 10:37 AM. I arrived hoping to be excused before lunch and it barely happened. I was watching the lawyers excuse who they didn't want on the jury and I'm not sure about the exact number each time, so I was going to lose my mind when it was about lunch time and I wasn't out yet. I think I was the last one excused before they let everyone out for lunch. I went to take a piss and then waited for the elevator to head back to the juror room but flocks of people started heading out too, so I took the stairs down four floors. I would then find my other peers from my case that were excused a little earlier to be standing at the window and they told me that we'd have to come back after lunch before we could go home. Annoyed, I finished up the Lunchables that I was eating for breakfast and then decided to head out to the Pie Hole by using the stairs (down another 10 floors). I though about possibly eating there if it wasn't busy and full of people, but it turned out to be exactly that.

I had been watching some other YouTube channels and noticed that some people have just been making videos off of their smartphone cameras, so I decided to give that a try with the day 2 video. My phone should be pretty capable of it since it was LG's flagship, at the time. I didn't want to hold my phone up too high since I was scared that my phone wouldn't be able to pick up my voice as well and I didn't want to make it so obvious that I was looking at myself on my phone, so the videos were recorded at the most unflattering angles. They were pretty fun to make though, so I'm thinking about doing them more. Adding a bunch of short clips together to make a video is so much faster than recording a really long one and trimming it down.

In the end, if you're trying to get out of jury duty ASAP without formal proof, I think the best method is not talking too much or giving out too much information (think Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation) because it might work in favor of one attorney or the other. You can also give bitch answers, like me, but you might feel some retaliation and be prepared to own up to what you say. I swore to tell the truth and that WAS the truth. I hated how the judge tried to shame me and make it seem like I'm lying or tried to make me take back my words, so annoying. The question about fairness is probably the only thing that would deem you unfit besides just sitting there and not listening. I noticed that the attorneys would question some jurors on their body language. I'm not exactly sure how you would sit to show and say "this is boring as hell and I don't give a fuck" but I basically just stared at the stenographer's keyboard and laptop for a majority of the time. I also would look around the room to see how it was built because it was my first time entering a court room with a glass wall and some caging, but you could also just stare at the attorneys too. Maybe they'll notice and you stare at them til they look away. It might weird them out.    

In other news, I've been studying for the FSOT (Foreign Service Officer Test) to see if I can become one. The test is actually seeming to be pretty fun but I really need to brush up on my math skills (eg. GDP growth percentage between years) and geography knowledge. I also need to get my birthday fixed on the testing website because it's off by a day but I'm going to try and do that on Monday. The test is on the first week of February but registration for it opens in a couple of weeks, so I really need to get cracking. I'm hoping to pass but I also really need to study because it might actually be my calling. It's like QUANTICO minus the gun/combat training. MEEP!!!


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