Friday, August 10, 2012

"So You've Never Met Anyone...

that made you feel butterflies?", asked by one of my close friends on our train ride home. "I'm not even talking to anyone. There are no butterflies to feel", I replied. One of my pet peeves is when people ask about my love life. Can I just NOT have one? I know it's just expected of a person (especially at my age) to be in one because several years later, more than half of them will be married because that's the typical age of marriage (and people just typically do what they believe is expected of them) but can't I just make it so that I can rely on myself first before anything else? Wouldn't you feel so much more comfortable being financially independent, knowing you can love and take care of yourself before being  like "Oh my god, I'm so ugly. Now one will ever love me" and settling for less than what you're capable of? Is it worth being kicked to the curb if nothing works out?

To answer her question, no, I've never ever really truly ever met anyone in person who just made me feel like a nervous wreck thus far. I believe part of that is because I've felt like such a reject growing up, I've learned to just not feel anything at all. I know people (online, most likely) think "no way, you're good looking. what the heck?" and such but it wasn't that way in school. No one has ever expressed interest in me while people talking up a storm about how so and so are suuuuuuuuuuch a "cute couple". You just feel like crap, you know? Once someone impersonated a, then, "friend" of mine online and that battered my thoughts of how people viewed me while screwing up my friendship with this person. I think that was the beginnings of my bitterness towards other people, trusting them, and their selfishness.

When I was just a freshman in high school, I was especially vulnerable because only a handful of my middle school classmates went there so I basically knew no one and had to make new friends (as if I really had any in middle school anyway /sarcasm). I had this wood shop class where I was pantsed because I was an easy target. I'm short (probably around 5'4 or less then), I was HECKA skinny, I dressed no where near cool, I never talked to anyone. The person who pantsed me eventually did apologize to me but I'm sure I somehow guilt-ed it out of him. I bet there was no genuine remorse from that experience of pantsing a short, stick skinny asian, with his boxers going down a long with his baggy cargo pants. No one did see my privates though because I also wore over sized hoodies, thank goodness no one ever did because that would be so traumatic, and that was another incident where my bitterness towards others grew. Later on, I made friends with this girl who I foolishly called my "best friend" and later came to realize that she basically did that with everyone. She was one of the girls that guys would follow between classes. Pretty, smart, in every extra curricular, everyone liked her, I thought that if I had her then I could prove to everyone that I wasn't a nobody or some fucker you could just pick on. That never happened though, so I eventually gathered the balls to try out for the dance team (before it was cool) the latter half of my high school life. I was this closet dancer copying BoA videos because I was a big fan then. My mom would see me in my room dancing to her performances and asked me if school has any dance things I can participate in and that I should just be in it, so I eventually did. I did, of course, try out to a pop song of that time instead of a K-pop song though. The Korean Wave didn't exactly make it here yet. It reminds me of when I would try to reconnect with some middle school classmates through AIM around then and I can still vividly remember showing this girl the twin duo "Shyne" and her saying something a long the lines of "lol I can't take this seriously. I find it funny that you listen to songs that aren't in English".

Fast forward 6 or so years later, and that bitch does the Yonsei Study Abroad Program and goes to Big Bang's HIGH HIGH music video filming, gets a picture with TOP, and fangirls it on Facebook. What an ass she made of herself, and talk about hypocrite. So anyway, never been asked to Sadie's dance, never went to prom, never really made any friends in college. You can see that I don't exactly make the best connections with people. Sometimes, the effort I put goes to waste. Why bother trying? People come and go. Once they're done with you, they have no reason to keep you around or talk to you.

I can only name three people I can truly consider a friend. One I'm kind of unsure of because I don't see him much in person but he's always an instant message away. He can almost always answers the questions I have and would read my tirades. I've known him since we were little kids in elementary school and now we're both super seniors at the same university. And my other two friends, one I've run across in high school and the other via work. There's nothing we can't talk about (and that includes poop problems, hemorrhoids, to their periods and such). They both have boyfriends though and the day they marry and possibly move away, I'll probably die a little inside. I already had a friend like that recently. I haven't had a personal response from that woman for months. All I ever see is her updating her Instagram and Facebook. I've given up on our friendship. As people don't bother with me, I shall not let my thoughtfulness and time be wasted.

But returning to the subject of feeling "butterflies", that certain friend of mine said she's always felt butterflies with many people she's met. I, however, think it's because she's such a romantic. Because even though she's a feminist, she's always said how she wants to be a housewife, planned out a long term plan with her and her boyfriend, blah blah blah. She's had boyfriends and knows what she whats while I've never been in a relationship (and that always has people questioning my sexual orientation because they know nothing of my love life and I speak nothing of it but, frankly, this is nobody's business but mine. I'm not one to bring up a certain other just to deem how worthy they are of me. What also bugs me is when people try to pry information about me out of my friends or try to get confirmation after saying Peter is sooooo this or that. I am just me, fuck off. I never speak of people in such ways unless they bug the shit out of me. Sadly, they can't do the same.), I only have about 3 friends and I hate the people from my past (my mother knows this very well), virgin (cool? uncool?), never kissed (uncool), no piercings (uncool), no tattoos (uncool). I've made strides with my body but nowhere close to where I want it to be (not lustfully attractive),  got single eyelids and not the most attractive looking eyes, I get sweaty easily, I'm a relatively hairy Asian (I periodically shave my body hair), I'm short, I have yet to finish undergrad, the list goes on. Turned off yet? I already have my children of dogs planned out. The only thing that kind of scares me are the vet bills if I ever do get those babies (lol). I may be inexperienced, but I know what I want too.

I do admit that there are times where I have these awesome "what if" imaginations and daydreams.  I feel like they just lead me to high expectations and disappointments though. I eventually shut them down like a faux heartbreak. I do get lonely, but I'd much rather put love aside and get through the real world hardships of life first before being fed up of being alone. Would you really rather want love over complete independence? What if your 5+ year relationship doesn't work out? Certainly, I am only taking this position right here and now and whatever happens, happens. But I doubt anything will change much within the next five years besides maybe people distancing themselves even more and leaving their hometown more to seize better opportunities.

Let's face it, I'm boring. I don't drink, I don't play video games, I don't club, I'm also not rich, I don't have aspirations to become a trophy type husband (career wise, anyway) and I'm not working the most glamorous type job, I don't really watch movies or television besides a few select shows, I find walking city streets fun, I find looking designs of trains, cars, buildings, and the cityscape fun. I like reading and watching the news. Catching up over dinner is my idea of a fun night. Well, and maybe with some bowling and arcade games too. I'm not the most exciting person you'll meet. If you've ever seen this one video of this Asian guy reacting to his first viewing of Britney Spears's "Till the World Ends" music video, I'm pretty much the opposite of that. Basically, I have the personality of a cat more than I would a dog.

On a lighter note, that photo above was from a morning I was subbing for my coworker with a class of like 10+ and a kid gave me a sticker from his "Cars" book. I'm apparently not worthy of being on his "friends list" just yet though.

This other kid drew and colored this really....interesting...portrait of the solar system. I didn't even realize it was the solar system until @Cathalino told me via instagram. I put it up in my room already as I do with anything colored or drawn for me. So adorable! The kid is only 6 and already knows about the solar system. He's always reading. It's kind of weird but cool. Once he asked me to get him a cup for water and he climb up the stool and said (something, something) carbohydrates, diabetes and I was like "Whoa! What'd you say about carbohydrates and diabetes?" but he has minor asperger's so he kind of drifts all over the place. Some people with asperger's have "intense interests" (according to wikipedia), so I guess his would be books. He reads really well for 6 year old. Other kids just care about beyblades and cartoons.
And while at work, I stumbled upon these and tried them. They were yummy. My friend said that they sell the big sized version of them at Walmart and while utterly tempted, I shouldn't. I haven't gone to Walmart in awhile anyway.
Superhero/ Character day was also a notable thing that happened at work. I think my all time favorite superhero costume on a child would be batman without the mask. I don't know what but just something about it makes me go "AWWW!!" while other characters just make me go "aw~".
When I was a kid, I liked Spiderman solely because we had the same last name. My first Soompi screen name was actually derived from Spiderman.I felt kind of childish and later on got it changed, then Soompi's forum crashed, and I changed it entirely. I was growing up, lol. Spiderman, coincidentally, was also this nerdy kid who was an easy target and then bitten by a radioactive spider and became awesome. Sometimes, I identify that without the radioactive spider part eheheh.
On the subject of my horrific cellphone number, people make these out to be the sweetest things anyone can do but this was at effing 6:41am. Naturally, of course, I slept through it but no one is beautiful at freaking 6:41 am. I've been getting less robot calls which is awesome. I get them about 2 times a week now. I was discussing if there was such thing as a black list app to block calls with Lisa and apparently there is. I looked them up the day after and there are ones that pick up the call and just hang up right after (SO COOL) but I fear that would waste minutes (I only have 100 a month), so I eventually uninstalled the app, found and utilized the"forward to voice mail" feature instead. One thing that was annoying was that the robot called me with a new number a couple weeks ago, but naturally I just declined the call and put it on my "annoying numbers" list which would forward any call from that list to my voice mail where I eventually delete them all.
Here's the shirt I cut and eventually wore to Grand Park for National Dance Day/ Opening weekend. It looks better on the hanger than it does me ; __________ ;

For non-Los Angeles natives and the Angelenos who don't exactly explore and know what the city has to offer, Grand Park is part of the Grand Ave revitalization project to attract more people to the area. Similar to the development around Staples Center (which has brought Nokia Theatre, LA Live in the recent years and hopefully Farmer's Field in the near future), Grand Park was pretty much one of the first major plans of the project to be completed. The entire park, however, isn't open yet. Only the first section is. The park spans 12 acres and connects the music centers to city hall. The bottom half of the park will open up section by section in the later months.
Credit: LAtimes
The renovated Arthur J. Will Memorial Fountain lights up at night and the LA city hall in the background. (Credit: LAtimes)
The British judge from "So You Think You Can Dance?" and Robin Antin (Creator of The Pussycat Dolls) were suppose to make an appearance but I saw neither of them. Lots of people showed up though. It was pretty cool and lively because often times, DTLA is just people walking to a destination. I don't ever really see gatherings. People resting at Pershing Square or Angel Knoll's sure, but never really families enjoying the city and such.
Panorama I took with my phone. It's tiny because Facebook doesn't upload them fully :d
By the splash pool :) Where everyone can feel like Jesus~
teeheehee~ *japanese school girl laugh*
so touristy of me...
This was where the dance party was happenin'
possibly the shortest line for the Kogi truck you'll ever see but I didn't bother lining up for it.
Here's a little tour of the surrounding area or, basically, civic center and far east edge of the financial district.
The Frank Gehry designed Walt Disney Concert Hall is not too far from Grand Park. It is on Grand Ave after all :P
A little off topic but though it's cool to have such beautiful piece of architecture at home, it doesn't compare to 8 Spruce Street in lower Manhattan. They're designed by the same firm.
Credit: Wikipedia
As you travel down Grand Ave, you can begin to take in the Los Angeles skyline often seen on television. I think it's funny when they show views of Century City and call it Los Angeles though. I know it's still part of the county but it's not LA, LA. I also find it funny when you're watching "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" and see clips of downtown but much of the show takes place in Calabassas which is pretty far from it.
California Plaza and Wells Fargo Center. And next to Walt Disney Concert Hall is the future location of the Eli Broad Museum which will also have an interesting design. It'll be like a white, square, honeycomb shell type building.
TO THE TRAIN WE GO!! Anyone watch "Modern Family"? This is the same train Cam and Mitch loses Lily's bunny by throwing it in before the doors close and the train leaves the station.
As we were leaving the park because we were crunched on time (my friend had a night event to attend), we were deciding on what to eat. I kept thinking burgers because we were talking about burgers a quarter of the train ride there. My friend was like "let's eat some summery food like cold noodles!" so we both whipped out our giant android phones and went on a yelp spree to find the closest naengmyun place to a subway station since my friend mentioned taking the subway to Koreatown. We settlled on 칠보면옥 (Chil Bo Myun Ok) BBQ because it was really close to the Wilshire/Normandie station. Like retards though, my friend was talking so much on the train ride there, we missed our destination and chose to walk from the station after that (Wilshire/Western). The Mexican valet parking dudes were so nice to greet us in Korean LOL. I just smiled and was like "Hi~" because we're not Korean. Whenever I'm at a very Korean place, I kind of freeze and blank out when it comes to telling whoever is helping me that I'm not Korean because I don't know how they'll respond, but we'll see next time. 음...우리홍콩인 (I'm not really one but she is) 이예요...한국말 조금조금알겠어요 :x ~
물 냉면
This was the first time I ever had naengmyun and it was goooooooood. I was sweaty but I had it was a perfect cool down meal. The soup was cold, the noodles were cold, the peppery yet cooling mix of veggies and beef with the sweet tasting soup was just yummmmm!
We also got some sides and soup while we waited for our noodles. They were different and pretty delicious also. The beef broth they served was sooooo good. I never had soup like that before where it's just soup that tasted so smooth with a light peppery aftertaste. We requested refills two times and to save us some embarrassment, we asked for the refill with different waiters.

After our late lunch of naengmyun , I asked my friend if she just wanted to bring kimbap to the night event she was attending so that she wouldn't have to prepare food for the night and said okay, so we walked to Zion Market from the restaurant because it's nearby. The event was called Concert on the Greens or something where you sit in a field and listen to classical music being blasted or something (frankly, I don't see why people would even pay to do that), so you basically bring your own food to bask in the music? I've never been to Zion Market on the weekend so it was the most packed I've ever seen. But anyway, I bought some kimbap too so I could snack it at home later in the day or evening.
They're only 3$ each and comes with a little tub of soup. They also give you this pickled veggie thing I never eat. I thought the bulgogi kimbap would be good but it was kind of dry and not as good as the fish cake one. The fish cake one has always been one of my favorites. I love fishcake :d. I would always make a trip to Zion after visiting my hairstylist but I haven't seen her in over a year, so I haven't had kimbap since :x

On the 1st of August, I met up with Lisa again since fulfilling my craving for Class 302 on July 19.We went to have Asian styled burgers since I was craving that after having my fill of shaved snow.
Amazingly, the restaurant was pretty empty so it was a nice peaceful place to watch the Olympics and talk. I was hoping we'd be able to watch the men's gymnastics individual all around final there but it didn't show until like 10pm. We were basically just watching diving and swimming the whole time. I had to explain to her how synchronized swimming is scored, why they wear speedos, and such. The only time I ever watch sports is the Olympics but I mainly watch gymnastics and diving. I've found a new interest in track thanks to Oscar Pistorius and his awesome personality and background.

I should've tried something new but I got the black pepper beef burger with the rice bun and Lisa got a veggie burger which she didn't really like. The laobanniang (lady manager) was kind creepy and would approach tables that night. For example, she walked up to the guys under the television and asked them how the food was and if it was their first time. She also assumed they were Taiwanese and yeah. They awkwardly replied to her in mandarin which I found kind of funny because they were very fobby looking but they were just like me and Lisa, ahah! She eventually made her way to Lisa and me and also assumed we were Taiwanese, Lisa was like trying to say how we're born in the area. She later asked if we're Taiwanese but we aren't so she asked where our parents were from Lisa said Hongkong (in English) and I just said Guangdong (is it weird to just state a province because I honestly don't know where my parents are from, lol). She noticed Lisa had taken out half of her veggie patty and asked her if she's a vegetarian. Lisa said "yes" and so she recommended that she try this other burger and how there are a bunch of vegetarian things that aren't on the menu she could try and that she should just tell her and she'll make it. Later on (because I'm SUCH a SLOW eater), she brought out some green onion pancakes for us to have. It was so nice of her and totally yums.   
I've typed wayyy too much this entry. Hopefully it's too much for anyone to read :x So anyway! To end my entry. I've taken up running two weeks ago but I'm taking a two day break so that joints would be relieved of some pressure. I need to get some good running shoes but I haven't found any good deals on a pair yet. I don't really want to pay 50$ for a pair. I was considering going to the YMCA for a swim for the time being but then I found out the price of a day pass is effin' $10. I'll eventually get a gym pass...just not now. T-T.
I've been jogging at least 4 miles every time I go out and according to my scale, I'm around 18% body fat right now. I want to get it to at least 13%. I hope to see some noticeable changes by September 20'ish but I don't know if I will. Running is definitely more gruesome than weight lifting though, that I'll say.
I had just eaten some pizza and was gonna shower. I thought I looked good and apparently I wasn't. The camera really does add ten pounds or I have some really fucked up eyes I will. lose. it. never. give up. especially when it comes to proving people wrong.

And this is me working camera magic with angle, probably sucking it in (though I can't suck it in that much), and hanging my shorts low.

That's all. Bye. I was gonna type about hot short people too after watching mens gymnastics but I've typed wayyyy too much. -- Peter

(*I typed this over a week ago and barely got around rereading it. Hopefully it's not a huge mess of thoughts)


  1. I swear Im not stalking your blog 24/7, but it just happens that I chance to check it soonish after new entries are up :x

    Your reminiscing at the beginning had me going "I know that feel" after each paragraph. Like I also was friend with one of the popular girls and tried to impress her. All that jazz that short, geeky, skinny Asian boy have to endure in high school. Like...I even developed a natural aversion for the "popular" people type (the kind that is "friend" with a ton of people). Friendship with 'em seems to be doom from the beginning because a person can be replaced easily. I prefer people of the loner, bitter-toward-humanity type haha.

    Im going to visit best friend in SD this coming week so I am excited to go up and get some Class 302! Been seeing it on your blog for so long...want.....

    Also Macy's added some new undies for sale. I am tempted.

  2. There was this chick in highschool who got really jealous that her best friend started hanging around me, so she got pretty much all my 'friends' to ignore and throw lots of crap at me for most of Grade 9. And it's funny that the people I thought were my 'friends', completely ignored me like she told them too, whereas people whom I hardly spoke to didn't and still occassionally talked whenever. Enough about me, friendships are sometimes too exhausting and I find, 'meaningless' at times when there's not much substance between the two. It's true, once they're done with you they just move on. I like your Cars print on your shirt hehe :D I don't think you're uncool, I think it's actually quite admirable that you didn't compromise anything and just accepted that 'hey, this is me so fuck off if you don't like it,' attitude. HAHA no, who would be turned off by such character like yourself, I love how you already have your puppies planned out. If that's the criteria for 'fun' then I'm pretty boring too. Catching up over dinner is a great night! Just a very intimiate affair, nothing extravagant. AWW what a cute solar system drawing! Yes, Aspergers's have very inquisitive, curious minds so they retain a lot of facts and need to know 'why this is this' and everything, it's really fascinating actually. I love how he drew Jupiter larger than the Sun HEHE. Woah man... I need to find mint m&ms... mint chocolate is my favourite *_* I got sick of the peanut ones after a whlie haha. Awww Spiderman costume, I wish I dressed up more as a kid, then someone would aww too HAHA. Same last name or first name of Spiderman? It's Peter Parker right... my hero vocabularly isn't that strong hhaha. ooo Rolling Stones shirt, I like it! HAHA jesus fountain, and there you are giggling like a japanese school girl. Oh man, to visit the Walt Disney Concert Hall is such a touristy dream of mine.. SOMEDAY. HEHE DADDY LOST BUNNY TRAIN. I've never had naengmyun but it does look delicious, perhaps when Summer hits Sydney, I shall search for it! HAHAA refills are awesome, but I love waiters who just instantaneously stalk you and refill whenever they see you're virtually empty. I've never seen fishcake kimbap either but I love fishcake :O 10$ per day at the YMCA O_O?! That's ridicious! ooooo yes, running is such an overall workout, good luck on your goal! This post was long but I read through it because it was enjoyable to read :)

  3. You really opened your heart in your first few paragraphs, it was so insightful to read. Good on you, for posting this up! It was an enjoyable read, I wish I could write heaps in a post... nonetheless, I'm struggling to think of something to write on my blog. The cityscape photos look absolutely gorgeous. I wish it was summer in Melbourne, it's absolutely freezing :'(