This Whirlwind of a Pandemic.

Hello written blog.
It's been a while.

    To recap what's happened in life, I finished animal technician school in mid-December of 2019. Although it gave me a sense of freedom, I've been feeling defeated as I tried to get a job in animal research straight from the gate. Got some replies, a phone interview, an in-person interview and still nothing. For one thing, I can see why because I'm an absolute mess at replying. I'm also a horrible interrupter and if the nerves really got me working, then I tend to speak way too fast. Every person I speak to probably thinks I'm insane at this point, but whatever. Every chance I get to interview, it just gives me more questions to log down and think of better replies to later on. Let me backtrack a bit...

    I spent my final semester interning at the California Institute of Technology to finish my animal technician program. Aside from the fact that I spent almost two hundred dollars on parking permits over the course of almost three months, I enjoyed that place a lot and was always in awe when I walked through the campus after my "shift". The staff was all super nice and I felt like I fit in really well there. Moreover, I always felt kind of cool when I would collect gifts from spinning PokéStops around campus in Pokémon Go and sent them out. It'd be from really cool places like "The Laboratory of Nuclear Radiation" or some really specific science you wouldn't immediately be able to pull out of your brain. Sadly, there wasn't any open positions by the time I was done with my hours. Part of me regrets not just taking that open animal husbandry position but at the same time, I didn't go to school to get two degrees and a license to work a position that doesn't even need a college education in the first place. I could do so much more than just taking care of a room of a hundred mice cages, you know? At the same time, if I just sucked it up and took a lower position, I could've clocked in enough hours to take a certification exam and I would have two certifications over other people...oh well...

    In late January and into February, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer and was basically unable to eat and kept vomiting up to the day of his surgery. I mentioned this on my YouTube channel but basically it was supposed to be a laparoscopic removal of the tumor (which is a more sterile procedure) and ended up just being a surgical removal of [hopefully] all the infected cells within his large intestine. 

    Even though COVID19 was starting to appear on the news, we weren't in shut down mode yet because of the idiotic President and his administration. I remember sitting in the ICU section of the hospital beside my dad and hearing the hospital staff talk about how China built a hospital from the ground up within a week or so to handle the excess number of people needing emergency care. During my time sitting beside my dad, I printed out pretty much every chapter of this study book I have for the VTNE and highlighted all the answers because the book was entirely just multiple choice questions. My dad was free to go home after a week in the hospital which I appreciated a lot because my mom literally was shaming me for being against staying with my dad overnight. It's like...the hospital isn't that far from home and there's literally staff there checking on him every couple of hours. Why should I be doing their job and sleeping on a chair, when I could rest up for 8-10 hours and then show up again. It wasn't like my dad was dying either. I'm still mad about that because my brother, even to this day, is still incredibly disrespectful to both my parents and has nothing to show for it. He could very well bring his 3DS and Nintendo Switch (which I didn't have) and tough it out through the night but he chooses to be a royal piece of garbage.

    Well anyway, after I finished animal technician school, I was still waiting for the school to state that I graduated on my transcript before I was able to register for the national exam. I got another interview during the first week of March which was a huge waste of time but it was a learning lesson nonetheless. I got a rejection email during the week of lockdown which was a punch in the stomach. The worst part of it is that the gym is closed and I can't take out my frustrations on heavy weights and being able to physically exhaust myself to get a good night's rest. As late March approached, I got a letter from the college I was attending that stated my transcript was updated and my diploma would be coming soon after. 
    Upon finding out that my transcript was updated, I basically marked the day in April that the next registration window would open and I would sign up to take the VTNE in July as I had planned. For the next two-three'ish months, I basically spent an hour or so a day reading the chapters of the study book I was highlighting at the hospital prior. I also re-registered for VTNEprep and did some practice questions every day until the test day got closer, then I would then do the full practice tests to get a feel of how the duration of the test would go. 

    I literally scheduled my test day during the last week of July because I wasn't sure how the enhanced unemployment would go about. I chose Wednesday because I felt like there'd be less cars around but that's subjective. I drove to the testing center a day earlier just so I wouldn't be frantically looking for the place if I was late the next day. I got there early the next day anyway and with me was the biggest chapter of study questions for some last minute reading. I didn't even read all that much during test day because I had brought my food in the car so that I could use that early time to eat before my test. That way, I wouldn't be "burned out" and thinking of food midway through my exam.   

    The test wasn't easy but it wasn't hard either. I remember my first question wasn't even in any of my study material and I had a flashback to my "applied handling and restraint" class where I my teachers were going over what sheep are vaccinated against. My drug calculation questions were especially hard and the way it was formatted was nothing like what I was taught in school. You don't even get to find out what you got wrong and what the correct answers were in the end, but I passed. Thankfully, it was not like a BARELY passed but over 100 points over the bare minimum. I'm not even sure how the score is calculated though, because it's like a 175 question test with 150 questions actually counting and 25 being experimental questions. My score was like 500 hundred something and the minimum passing was like 420.  

    A week after passing my exam and taking a mental break from all that studying, I felt obligated to let the professor who's most resourceful in the field of laboratory animal know the good news along with my supervisors at Caltech. It was mainly to see if there were any job opportunities I wasn't aware of but I thought they'd genuinely would like to hear from me as well. What I've learned is that it never hurts to ask and the worst someone can say to you is "no", so you might as well try. Even though I've never asked for a letter of recommendation yet, I at least know there are some people who are willing to write one for me. I've also learned that you can be the best out there but landing a job all really depends on timing and luck. Timing in that you aren't bested by someone else more "appealing" than you and luck in that you're the best applicant at that time of need. 

    Following the email, I did get responses. Mostly congratulatory but my professor notified me of a position as a surgical laboratory technician that I could try. One of the vets from Caltech also recommend that I become a member of the local branch of the Association for Laboratory Animal Science which I did so I can just put it on my resume and use it as a resource in the future for continued education credits. Even though I haven't touched a gas anesthesia machine in almost a year, I ended up being one of two candidates for the position as a surgical lab tech. Ultimately, I got rejected which bugged the shit out of me because I know for a fact that there aren't that many veterinary technicians with a bachelor's degree where I'm from. The only reason I could've been rejected was that the other person has a bachelor's in animal science or zoology or something. I don't know. I can only control so much. Even though I wasn't looking forward to the commute had I been hired, it was an opportunity to do really cool things like place implants and stuff to help people with heart disease. 

    Oh well, all I can do now is apply to stuff I believe I can do. Sometimes, I get rejected because I'm overeducated or something, especially the animal husbandry ones. I'm not too focused on getting a new job ASAP being that we're in a pandemic and I'm living in one of the worst countries when it comes to warning the public and contact tracing, so all I can really follow is when I'm looking through the local news and seeing how things like the mayoral debate of a neighboring city is cancelled because one of the staffers tested positive. Things like that keep me grounded knowing the virus is closer than I think.

    At the same time, I really don't want to return to work with my piece of shit, obese brother because it really annoys me seeing him work a job he doesn't deserve. He's been enjoying his enhanced unemployment money so much that he bought a THIRD MONITOR FOR HIS COMPUTER. It's literally one monitor dedicated to a TWITCH stream, one for reddit or video games, and the third for some chat box ticker? He'd also buy a bunch of groceries for himself which consists mostly of packaged sweets and half a year later, my mom noticed one day how swollen his feet are and freaked the fuck out. She was like "that is NOT NORMAL! THIS IS A SIGN OF DISEASE!" and only recently did he decide to start going on an almost daily walk? This is after years of being like "I KNOW I'M FUCKING FAT AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY THAT'LL CHANGE THAT" and now it's like...well, the diabetes and poor circulation is starting to show...heh...because of all the sitting and eating he does in front of his computer...his feet still looks like a dinosaur's. 

    When it comes to me, on the other hand, I've lost almost 20 pounds since I turned 31. I mostly see it in my legs because my stomach isn't as flat as I want it. I'm hoping it will be by my 32nd birthday but it's creeping faster and faster. I haven't been keeping track of my calories since the initial lockdown. I've just been assuming that I'm still eating in a deficit because I haven't been eating as much as I would when I was working. I'm wanting to come out of the pandemic looking fabulous and ready to go back to two hour training sessions in the gym when it opens again.  

    Early voting started in California last week, I already filled out my ballot, signed, addressed, and dated it before putting it in those official 24 hour ballot boxes. I'm hoping young voters will finally understand how important it is to vote and vote regularly, not just at the presidential level. There are evil and corrupt people in your local city council and school board as well. I guess I was lucky enough to be 18 when President Obama was running, so I felt that "excitement" for the first black POTUS. I also majored in Political Science so I know how voting can impact everyone, but now it's very obvious how impacted we are? We probably all know someone who died or had COVID19 and this could've all been prevented if those early cases were traced and isolated and travel was monitored more closely. 

It's so sad what has become of this.

Well, hoping I do get a new job before 2020 ends. 

If there's anything good to come from the pandemic, it's that it gives me better odds at getting hired.

I don't think I'll be posting new pictures to Instagram until things get better.

To end, I just finished rereading this entry and I hope I didn't miss any more of those missing words.

Maybe I'll type another entry around Christmas. Who knows.             

Back to School!..........

Whenever a nice blog reader inquires about my well-being,  I am graced by a sense of compassion from other people and I don't feel that often for months on end. Obviously, this happened very recently or I wouldn't be on here. I've also been feeling a bit sad since I couldn't get into a class I needed (reason #2), but I'll going into further detail later. I think if my Blogger account was connected to my YouTube one, I'd be more inclined to check activity on here more often, but no one really reads anymore. Statistically speaking, if I were to post a pointless video to my YouTube channel, I'd get 5 times more views for that one pointless video than I would 3+ blog entries combined. Typing on here is mostly for times where I feel sort of hopeless and I need an outlet to rehash my thoughts and re-prioritize. I literally only get a penny or two each month from blog hits (lol).

I hate how I can read my old entries multiple times and still catch typos. The thought of someone else reading it is embarrassing.

Well anyway, going back on my last entry, I don't think I mentioned that around the beginning of that month, I had to give up a stray cat to the shelter because I knew nothing about cats and I wasn't sure of the financial burden that taking in a kitten would be. I also still had to pay off my dog's hospital bill at the time, so it was hard. I still kind of regret not keeping it. That kitten was so affectionate and really just wanted to be around my family, but the timing was so bad. 9 months later, I learned that cats are obligate carnivores and when it comes to their health, they're actually not too problematic. Besides the potential for obesity and people not feeding a scientifically formulated diet (which can cause urinary stones), they're pretty robust. There's also the potential of feline HIV and the need for vaccines, but a fixed and healthy cat wouldn't be as bad as a purebred dog, in theory. I think that's one of the reasons why people tend to have more than one cat as pets. I took the kitten as a sign from my dog saying "DON'T BE SAD! HERE CAT!!!!" but I just couldn't keep it....

Ughhh this meowing is killing me and he startled the shieeeet outta me last night.

A post shared by Peter 🐈 (@petehizzle) on Dec 29, 2016 at 4:14pm PST

Bittersweet goodbye to such a sweet and friendly kitty. I really hope it gets adopted or rescued 😖 I can't stand the thought that the kitty might not, especially when it courageously found us, pleaded for help, and I just gave him or her away like nothing 😭😭 please look into her at the shelter I geotagged if you're interested!!!

A post shared by Peter 🐈 (@petehizzle) on Dec 30, 2016 at 2:25pm PST

Sigh~I still miss my animals so much though. It's not necessarily a bad thing since I'm so emotionally invested in my education because of them, but I also miss the physical companionship that they give. I started going back to school in January but my first semester was just a PE class to fulfill a requirement. I couldn't get any other classes being that I was a new student with no units on record, so I had a super late registration date. What double sucks is that since I already graduated, I really had no other classes to take besides my RVT classes and that PE class because all my general education courses had already been completed. After that PE dance conditioning class I mentioned in my last entry, I took an Animal Nutrition class and nothing else because of the whole priority registration thing again. I got an A in it but I had no other reason not to, because it was my only class. In the summer, I finished an Animal Science class in 6 weeks and also got an A in it (my grade was literally like 100.17% at the end of it). When my registration opened for fall, I literally couldn't get any classes until my summer professor emailed the class saying more classes were added but I think it was only for her to tell us about her Feline Management class which I am enrolled in. The plan for this semester was to go to the first year lecture classes I need because I know the ones with labs are smaller and the classrooms can't accommodate more students, so I went to a Veterinary Office Procedures/ Medical Terminology class and an Animal Sanitation and Disease class to try and get myself added into them. I'm thankful to be added into one but sad that I couldn't the other, because I'm basically trying to play "catch up" and even out the semesters where I went in taking only one class. I'm not too bummed though, just annoyed at the fact that I literally wasted an hour of my life driving for that chance to get added in. I know my Feline Management class isn't going to be too hard and I really just need to concentrate on the Vet Office/Medical Terminology class because that stuff is hard. Like, I still don't know what makes a rupture (-rrhexis) different from a burst (-rrhage). There's also all the greek and latin words for things, BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT. Stuff like this makes me question whether I'm really cut out for it...but I will power through, I guess.

And then comes February.

I just looked at the date and January is already almost over. Chinese New Year just happened, so I am feeling a bit more optimistic and festive than usual, but I also feel down as I occasionally feel a slump and see the ghost of my dog in places where he'd usually be. It's hard when you don't have many friends nor much money to go out once a week or so. There's also the fact that I don't want to be bothersome or clingy, so I just sit in front of the computer.

I feel like typing on my blog because I don't want to make a video and take the time to edit it when it doesn't really have much substance to it. As much as I'd like to try and quadruple my monthly views by giving people what they want, buying an unnecessary amount of underwear makes no sense and I'd like to keep it gradual as I'm trying to lower my body fat and transition to a more plant-based diet.

I'm so glad I took this dance conditioning class and ended up being more informed about health since it encouraged me to change my diet now opposed to later. My acne has also been really bad for the past month, so I really needed to change something because my acne hasn't been this bad in a long time. Usually, I get pimples here and there which is normal, but I've been getting inflammation and bumps that last more than a 2 weeks and then I get new ones on top of that. Dairy has always been something I really like and I drink milk everyday but knowing that I'm not supposed to drink a milk that isn't of my own species and how the fat and sugar content is high got me reconsidering. There's also the whole steroid or hormone use on cows that may indirectly affect humans too, so it's just safer to quit it now while I have the will to. It doesn't mean that I'm going to go all strict and ask for non-dairy creamer in my coffee and stuff. But for whatever is at home, dairy is out.

My acne is still apparent and I'm still getting some new ones, but it's only been about 6 days since I stopped drinking milk. Usually people just switch to soy milk or almond milk as an alternative, BUT I HATE BOTH. I don't enjoy the taste of soy milk and I don't enjoy the nutty taste of almond or cashew either. Furthermore, when they say the texture of almond or cashew milk is closest to milk, I still find it thicker than actual whole milk. Recently, I bought the plant-based chocolate milk by Ripple and it definitely tastes like chocolate milk, but still I find it too thick for my liking. The only alternative I can tolerate is rice milk because it doesn't get me all "burpy" and it's not thick at all. The unflavored version reminds me of drinking tea and doesn't remind me of the days where I would make protein shakes. The only thing that sort of bothers me is that there is no higher protein version of it and if I want to keep my muscle mass, I'm supposed to eat around 180 grams of protein a day (1g for every pound you weigh). The rice milk only has 1 gram per serving.

At the moment, I'm not too focused on it though. If I do start noticing that I'm shrinking, then I'll just find another way to up the protein intake by making a high protein snack or cookie or something. I find quitting milk helps with sleep a bit since the lactose sugar can stimulate the brain, but it has done nothing really for my insomniac ass. Hopefully, this reduction in calories, fat content, and sugar does something for my body. I'll later start to cook and prep my own meals. I already have some things bookmarked because I need an Oreo and Tim Tams replacement.

In other news, my stupid brother got himself into a car accident with my mom's car a couple weeks ago. What kind of annoys me is that he didn't even bother to try and pay for the cost of fixing my mom's bumper. I also feel like it was an accident that could've been prevented but being how careless and apathetic about everything that my brother is, he was just like WOOP! SMASH!

It was a very minor bumper to bumper thing, but it's the least he could do when he got himself into that mess and I hope it reminds him that he's not a fucking baby anymore and that he should grow the fuck up. I still resent getting him a job because he just uses his earnings to buy stupid stuff and he's not doing anything to further advance his education (he's 25 and still hasn't finished undergrad). I don't see him do anything BESIDES playing games on one computer monitor and watching Twitch streams on a second. LOOK FOR AN AFFORDABLE SKILL TEACHING SCHOOL PROGRAM OR SOMETHING!!! Whenever I say stuff to get him thinking, he just gives me a smug look and says stupid shit like "get out of my room".

When it comes to trying to help out my mom, I've been looking through Craigslist and Google because whatever my mom finds through the Chinese newspapers doesn't really help. A lot of the jobs are either too physically demanding or scammer-y when it comes to wages. I have 1,000 more dollars to pay for my dog's hospital bill before I'm free and that should invoice should be coming in this week. I registered for class next semester, but I only got one when I really wanted two. I also had no choice but to sign up for that morning class because I lack the units that would give me a better date to register for classes. It's depressing because I want to get the classes out of the way as fast as possible so that I could really start working in the field, but it's just not happening....

Not to sound like a downer, but that's all that's really been happening. I've been trying a bit harder at the gym by pedaling harder on the bike and lifting a bit more. My TV shows are back on air. I got some poppin' new songs on my phone to work out to and watched a few new movies, but nothing to get too excited about. I did stumble upon a vegan earl grey cookie recipe while clicking back and forth between tabs. I'm pretty excited to try that out once my pack of Oreos runs out.

That is all.
-Peter

PS: Oh...I turn 28 in, like, 18 days...ugh...FML.

8 months into lifting.

I don't know if I should just save this for when I reach the year mark but since I am bored, I will put this out here. I don't know if anyone is going to read or find this useful, but it's always nice to reflect on yourself and jot those memories down.

Let's see...where do I begin....

8 months ago, I took the big adult step into getting a gym membership (BY MYSELF...WHICH I PAY FOR) since I felt that my dog was starting to calm down a bit more and was less needy. I also felt that my body had reached a point where if I wanted it to gain more definition, then I would have to start lifting weights. Previously, I only had 2 sets of dumbbells to utilize and counted on body weight exercises but they weren't cutting it anymore. Also, since you're more prone to injury with running, I would lose out days where I technically would've been able to get my cardio up. With access to a gym, I would have access to more joint/leg friendly cardio equipment. That eventually allowed me to start reading comic books at the gym while I got my cardio in too. Sitting for an hour and sometimes being forced to watch baseball is no fun.

I technically could've saved a bit of money by making my mom help me buy a 2 year membership from Costco upfront but I didn't want to burden her, so I waited for a period that I thought would be "worth it". I ended up doing this "first month free" offer but now that I think about it, the $0 initiation would've been a bigger savings. I think initiation is like $60 vs first month free $35, but whatever. I also didn't know about a yearly due which happens around the 6th month, but it's not a huge amount either. I'd rather that than join a gym that wasn't 24 hours and had a huge initiation fee. I mean, seeing the gym busy makes me anxious but at least I can go past midnight. I can also go to another location where the surrounding area isn't as dense, so the likelihood of it being busy inside is less. The drive can be annoying though, because you sacrifice an extra 30~40 minutes of your life to do so.

I've been doing that once a week since I had to go to a different gym for a while due to my usual gym having work done on the floor. Since I found that the other gym had more chest equipment, I might as well utilize the multi-club access part of my membership. I'm still a novice to this stuff, so I didn't know there were other machines beyond the ones I was using. Now, I bounce between two gyms to really and effectively beat up my body and my workout checklist has grown a bit more than what I began with. Not sure how I'll change my schedule when I find a new job because I'm a late night gym owl, but I'll figure it out when the time comes.

Well anyway, with the body plateau stuff aside, there's also the health aspect to it. Not only does it apply to physical health, but mental too. Some people turn to the gym to combat alcoholism while others turn to the gym to combat depression. I'm the latter. I'm one of those stubborn 20 somethings who think they're invincible and don't need to see the doctor unless it's a life or death situation. I'm also one of those people who don't really have many friends, so dwelling in my room wouldn't be the most productive thing to do. Being that quiet, timid and awkward kid for much of my life, I might as well use my low key bitterness towards others to better myself...with the possibility of becoming an equal. What do I have to lose? I only have one life to live and I might as well try to be the best I can physically be, even if I'm not 180cm, etc.

I'm in the black tee.

Do note that even though my first time ever touching gym equipment was only 8 months ago, my motivation to become physically fit began well over 5 years ago, hence why I'm not stick skinny in that poor grainy first picture. Throughout high school I weighed around 120 pounds. My drivers license has my weight at 130. My current weight and the weight I've been stuck at for a couple years now is 180 pounds. I'm the worst person to talk to when it comes to dieting because I really love eating. I'm totally a foodie, but like a poor broke foodie. The only way to combat or counter that is to train like an athlete.

PETER, Get Your Shit Together!!

Hmm...that photo diary thing is flopping before it even began. Well anyway, I turned 26 two weeks ago. I don't really feel any different besides the fact that I take pretty long naps after work. Almost always, I get about 5.5~6 hours of sleep but it obviously doesn't suffice. Taking into account those naps, I would then get 7~8 hours but I'm not sure if those really count. I do literally knock out though.

Not too long ago, I went to get my taxes done along with my mom. Our accountant dude has really good talking skills. I don't know. He's really easy to talk to and really knows how to strike a conversation. It's pretty astounding but then I don't know, maybe it's because we're in that same age bracket and come from similar backgrounds. When he asked how it was going, I was like "good" and it just hit me that I sort of lived that episode of "30 Rock" where Liz Lemon lives the same events every year and her accountant would hear the same thing every year. I was like "nothing's changed. I still work at the same place" and then he asked if I had health insurance since the fines go into effect this year. He then followed up with some refund information and we just talked about television shows until my mom left with another accountant and I was like "you can go eat your lunch now". In between all that, I was like "hopefully next year, this [W-2] will be different and I'll be working full time somewhere else". Now I really have to brace myself for rejection and change................................or I'll be rejected so badly that nothing will change...............who knows.

Sick (again...)

Soooo, I said I'd update this more. What a lie. I have no excuses, really. It's just a whim whenever I get on this. I had a cold around Christmas time and I thought I'd be done with it, but now I'm back to being all phlegm-y and booger-y. It's so hard to sleep when your boogers clog your nose because your head isn't exactly in the best position to clear your sinuses. I guess this post will mostly be health related.

Health insurance deadline is on the 15th of this month and I kind of have anxiety when it comes to calling unfamiliar numbers, so I've been putting it off. I'll probably gather the courage to get around trying to retrieve my password to the Covered California website this week. The online chat thing was so useless. The family needs to get their taxes done early anyway, so I need to be able to log in to the website to retrieve the tax forms which I don't even know if I'm exempt from because I was offered government issued health insurance but THEY messed up my address and I basically waited 6 months for forms and then I was informed by MediCAL that I, MYSELF, would have to call back to fix THEIR mistake. It's not like I wrote my address wrong on that website because my dad got his mail and stuff just fine, ugh. My brother doesn't even have income, so does he get fined too? or will my parents get fined for not fully insuring him? Ah, being the child to immigrant parents who can't speak English is so stressful.

Furthermore, I recently was so conflicted on joining a gym and whether I should get my mom to help me or just fess up, be an adult, and pay more for the membership. I also had to decide between two gyms and come down to which one would be more logical. I narrowed it down between UFC Gym and 24 Hour Fitness which both are open 24 hours, but one was much further from home. I ended up choosing 24 without the Costco deal. My mom hasn't been working a whole lot recently, so it's only right that I'd just do everything myself...even though I'm paying about $15'ish dollars more per month, if I had gone through with the Costco deal. I would've had to give her a large sum of cash, only to have like 60% of it be spent on me. Oh, the price I pay to take the high road. I forgot to mention that I was very dead set on getting a membership at that time because the first month would be free, so that would basically cut the initiation fee in half. If I were to join UFC, the same initiation fee would've been much higher...like...almost three times higher, according to some reviews I read. I wasn't planning on joining a gym until my dog turned one but since he's slowly maturing, I could find time to squeeze in an hour and a half or so to go to the gym without worrying that he'll go nuts at home. I can also put him in his crate around one in the morning and he can pretty much be asleep in it until my usual wake up time of around ten in the morning but I only get around six hours of sleep before my biological clock wakes me, ugh.