One thing to take out of the blogosphere (besides feeling really self conscious about yourself) is the many characters you come across and their mindset you get a vague picture of. Basically, I recently came across some talk about dating and income. I guess, I could see why people would want an annual income of at least $100,000, but do you really need that much to be happy? Yeah, you basically have a standard you've become comfortable living with and don't want to lose those luxuries. But I don't know, maybe I'm underrepresented online? That, or everyone else I just happen to follow or read up on are just wealthier?
I mean, I always thought if I could make the amount of both my parents combined, I would be pretty content with myself. That amount only adds up to a little more or less than $45,000. $60,000 would be the sweet spot for me. Like many, my parents came from pretty much nothing. My dad immigrated to California in the early 80s, my mom came several years later, and they lived with my aunt and uncle and their two kids in a tiny little two bed room home (that I can't really call a house because it was really small). I was born in February of 89 and couple years later, moved into an actual house that I still live in today. I don't know how the hell my parents did it (because they both work minimum wage jobs and only recently opened up IRA accounts) but it's paid off, there are four effing cars in the drive way, we're not starving, and we can afford a college education (although it wouldn't be from the best or most prestigious institution). They don't own a business and my home ain't nice. It's pretty broken down. There's no central air conditioning and it's bug infested. It was built in the 60s. I don't even know if the lead paint issue from the past is resolved in this house, but it could be much worse.
Certainly, there was a period where I couldn't believe that I'd be in one of those families affected by the recession in 2008 and was extremely frustrated and disappointed in my dad because he basically did nothing for almost two years. I blamed the unemployment safety net created for the situation because I thought it promoted his unproductive behavior, but my dad has done a lot for us and I can't really blame him if he wanted to take things slow. I also blamed the fact that we weren't rich because it wouldn't be too much of an issue if we were the frugal wealthy kind (if those even exists). Eventually, he found a position that wasn't too stressful for him and my mom has become the breadwinner of the household. It's pretty cool having a mom who's one of the 40% of U.S. households where women who make more than their husbands. Consequently, my mom has high blood pressure and blames the lack of sleep for it. I can't encourage her to change her diet and exercise more since time is an issue for her. She works like twelve hour shifts six (sometimes seven) days a week. When she gets home from work between 8:30 and 9pm, she still has to prepare dinner and lunch for the next day, eat, shower, sleep by 12:30am, and wake up around 5am for the next day. I remember once when I was a teenager, and my dad would have to make dinner for himself because my mom would come home later than him. That habit eventually stopped because apparently he was teased by some other males who believes that my mom should be tending to my dad even though she worked longer hours. My mom never took that shit though, so eventually my dad just went back to whatever. He's a horrible cook, by the way. My mom comes home EVEN later than my dad now, so he has no other choice unless he wants to be a baby and hunger strike himself. I am so going beyond my point and going into gender roles.
What I meant to say is that money is only important to a certain point and anything beyond that just gets superficial and egotistical. I don't know. I mean, yeah, I've lived and am still living a pretty uneventful life. I don't have the luxury to do what (seems like) many people do, but I'm glad I don't because I've come to appreciate things differently. Okay, yeah, I love fashion and clothes, but it doesn't mean that I have an emotional attachment to anything I've bought. I can wear just plain basics and not feel less than anyone else. I think the sad part is that if you're poorer and don't care that much about making that almost six digit salary, people will just toss you aside because you "lack ambition" or don't see luxuries the same way.
When it comes to ambition, everyone has dreams, but not everyone cares about the money. Some people actually drive cars for practicality and not as status symbols. I love food, but I can't exactly picture myself eating at some fancy restaurant with forty dollar steaks or expensive dishes that only occupy a quarter of the allotted dish space. I think getting past twenty dollars (a person) for dinner becomes kind of irrational. So what's the point in dating when people who have the same views as me are also in their homes, typing on their [unpopular] blogs, and not sleeping when they should. I don't even want to bother with people who expect such a thing and ask, "how's your love life?". Sure, I believe in love. I am, however, not going to get all worked up in attempting to find it and being disappointed in all the people I've made an effort to meet. Why sulk in my lonesomeness? Ugh, why is being a boy so complicated. So many expectations to have and be. To add, being a homo makes it more complicated. Why couldn't I just be born a pretty girl?! That way, I can just use gender roles and my looks to my advantage?? (...But on a more serious note, I actually like being a boy and I don't think I'd ever want to experience what it'd be like to be a female.)
On the bright side, my mom has never pressured me with talks of anything in regards to a "relationship". I'm not sure if it's partly because she doesn't want to be an empty nester or she has faith in how I handle my life. I think when that time comes, I'll then be like "what if I want to marry a boy?". My dad is kind of douche'y like my brother, so I don't really talk to him much when it comes to anything. Either way, I can't really see myself in either situation. I really just want to finish school, get into an enjoyable job that gets that $60,000, and live in a studio apartment until I could afford a home. Being poor may not give me the opportunity to explore the world, but there's more excitement in being "poor" than slaving away on legal documents or crunching numbers for the rest of my life. Ultimately, I think becoming self sufficient would be the proudest moment of my life, but that doesn't require an income of $100,000 to so. Furthermore, the more money you put into superficial things only adds to anxiety. Sure, you may be temporarily happy when you buy that AMG model Mercedes, but you'll constantly live in unwanted fear that someone may scratch or steal your car opposed to driving a Prius or an even more modest car like a Kia Rio. Where's that joy in being rich again? There are always the exceptions. I know not all rich people are dicks and whatnot. Some people with money are actually okay with paying more taxes and contributing their wealth to the greater good because they know that their happiness is only dependent on wealth to a certain amount (opposed to "looking good"). I don't know where I'm going with this anymore.
Oh! Speaking of body, I did a sprint to finish off my run the other day and I was feeling really weird. I'm not sure if it's normal or not, but it was as if the breaths I was taking weren't enough for me and I eventually slowed down to take the deepest breaths I possibly could so that my whole body could get oxygen. My sprint wasn't that fast (I can't run to save my life). I think, at most, it'd be 12mph for 0.2 of a mile. Nonetheless, I felt the fatigue from running last night. I try not to think too much about going hard or feeling tired. Most of the time, I'm just running with a clear mind and music to remind me that I'm alive. The next thing you know, an hour and a half went by. My mom actually offered to buy me a gym membership last week but I declined and told her I'll get it in December because I could take advantage of it more then. Technically, it'd just be her paying me back because I'm always giving my mom hundreds of dollars in cash so that she doesn't need to take out cash from her bank account, but the cost of raising me outweighs any form of currency.
Blargh! Lastly, I'm sad to see that I'll be returning to work this week. I have a staff meeting on Tuesday morning and the kids will have their first day of school this Thursday. This means that I can't scramble to finish my homework on Wednesday afternoons anymore and I'll have to use my time more wisely from now on. I seriously don't want to fail, especially when it's a course that doesn't involve math or science. Summer quarter ends in about 3 weeks, so I'm almost there. I shall jump down these stairs to my death now!
That is all.