Sunday, August 4, 2013

Speak, let it out, breathe.

I went bowling two Thursdays ago and I sucked really bad. I couldn't even get past 100. I blame it on the fatigue from my run hours prior to meeting up at the bowling alley. I didn't want to lose out on a workout day, so I have no other choice. I also had to run in the afternoon since running a the park in the evening sucks nuts. This meant that I would get even darker so I ran shirtless in hopes of evening out my racer back tan, but that didn't happen (heh). I am, however, pretty tan right now.

But going back to the bowling alley, I was with only one person who I was familiar with and everyone else is kind of a stranger, but I went for the sake of bowling anyway because I don't want my bowling shoes to just collect dust. The rest are friends of that one person and one of them is a guy I've known for like two years now. We've only hung out like maybe three times in those two years so the last time I saw him was last month where he humorously said "still buff I see" to me, after I greeted him. I'm not usually bad with names so I didn't forget his. He actually remembers my name which was kind of neat too, but yeah. On Thursday, he said "how's life?" during the game while waiting for our turn to bowl and I was all fumbling it like "good. no, not really. not as exciting as yours". I don't know. I can't compare. He's like two social classes above me and he's only like 2~3 years older than me. We're soooo not the same people. I don't go on trips every year nor drive a luxury car. I don't have Louis Vuitton wallet nor a random wad of cash on me at all times. Interestingly, he replied something along the lines of him just living life and stuff. It got me thinking about how I should be approaching life too.

It brings me back to my Political Theory/Philosophy class where my professor would talk about political views and living in the past or present versus the future. I don't ever want to dwell on the past so that's out of the picture, but there was a point to the lecture. Should you be planning for your future? Or should just live in the present because the future is unpredictable? I mean, I could be dead in like two years and haven't really done anything to live my life. I'd like to be financially  responsible, but I also want to be spontaneous and enjoy what is now. Oi~ why is life so complicated. Why does growing up suck?!

Lisa and I had boba at a place we would only go to in high school and 6 years passed, so it changed owners and went from being ghetto high school hangout  to a cute little themed place. My drink was alright but I can't picture myself coming regularly since it's not on the way to or from anywhere I usually go. The the parking situation isn't that great either (#LAtalk).
Soon... I'm going to be 25 and I still feel like this inexperienced kid who doesn't want to grow up. I very much still feel like I should've learned a lot more by now, but I haven't. On Sunday, my auntie and senior uncle came to visit my mom with my little cousins. I was still in bed at noon and I could hear them talk loudly downstairs. I frantically grabbed a pair of shorts and put them on since I sleep in my undies. My little cousins didn't immediately open the door to my bedroom, run up and start yelling at me to wake up, but they eventually did make their way into my room and spoke to each other. I just laid flat on my bed while I scrolled through my social networking platforms via my phone. Amusingly, they left my door open and were being the little kids by trying to be heard by me from the bottom of the stairs while the adults were in the living room.

I eventually got up, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and made my way downstairs to greet my auntie, uncle, and little cousins. I noticed that they already had coloring sheets printed out because that's the only method my brother knows how to keep them out of his room (thanks to me). I also noticed my little boy cousin can color within the lines now and that he can even write his own name. I don't even think he's in kindergarten yet (or maybe he is. he was an infant in 2008). Funny thing is that he would write his name all odd. It would state "on Jacob Lee do" on all his papers. I was like, "why do you write 'on' and then 'do' beside your name? It should be like *covers those words with my thumbs* this". He would just be all cute and quiet about it and then followed me into the kitchen because I hadn't eaten yet. I got the remainder of my single serving cake I bought from Albertson's the previous day and made myself some instant coffee. He then started asking me questions (in Cantonese. All our conversations are in Cantonese.) about everything I'm doing like "what's that" to everything. I'm like, "I'm making coffee" and he would ask me how to make it and I would reply like "there are several ways but I'm using hot water for this one" and he touched my mom's instant coffee pouch on the kitchen table and told me that it was coffee too. I was like "yep! you smart boy" and surprisingly, I wasn't annoyed with all his inquiries because it's just what kids do since they don't know any better. He's so bright. He actually kind of made my morning after thinking about the whole present/future thing. He made those worries go away for the time being.

What really amazed me was that he only visits once every couple of months and when he followed me into my room, I asked him if he wanted to play any games and that the only problem was that I only have them on my phone. He declined and told me he wanted to resume watching the movie he watched last time (which was UP!). He unintentionally had his way of making me feel like brain functions aren't as great as they once were because the last time he came to my home was over a month ago. I need more stimulation in my life, man. Oh, it also didn't help when I wanted to set a good example by speaking good Cantonese but I just end up with Chinglish. I was like, "个热水帮MELT个咖啡”...while making coffee *face palm*.

Well anyway, I'll be back a work in a matter of weeks. The sleeping in has been great, but reality is slowly falling back into place. I didn't do as much as I thought I would but there's time (granted I don't die a sudden death). My body is no where close to what I hoped it'd be. I didn't venture into the city as much as I had hoped. Class right now isn't any easier, but I'm glad I only have it once a week.

Most recently on our bi-weekly hangouts, Lisa and I went to a cafe that I thought she had already previously gone to, but she didn't. The food at MJ Cafe and Tea House in Rowland Heights was pretty average but I loved the massiveness of the extra large sized drinks. Typical large sizes don't usually do it for me. ahah. My extra large sized milk tea was only $4.50, I think. That's around the price of a large near home. The place reminded me of the forever gone Cafe Xpress because of the decor but the staff reminded me of the staff at Cha for Tea, lol. Ugh, I miss Cafe Xpress and their free milk tea refills. *cry*
To put into perspective, that's how tall my cup was. I don't like to explicitly take pictures of myself but I did anyway because I was trying so hard to show the size of the cup (or Here's a picture from Lisa's iPhone much clearer than my photo...ugh. I might get the next Nexus phone if the specs of it hits all the right spots and the price of it is reasonable. I'd essentially be going from a 5 megapixel camera to a 10+ one with a better sensor.
Lisa got the fish something rice plate while I got the calamari one. You can see a piece of her fish in my calamari bowl. I thought we should've just traded plates since hers had so much more meat than she could eat and mine had less. I eventually helped her finish her plate because I hate seeing food get thrown away. I need the protein anyway. The only thing I had prior to MJ Cafe was a cup of instant coffee and a Costco apple turnover. I, then, ran in the afternoon from 4 to 5:30 before walking home, showering (with just water), and getting ready to meet up with Lisa.

Afterwards, we ended up going to Round 1 because it's only, like, across the street. I also have a play card so it's not like we'd just go there and do nothing. What I don't have is my Dave and Buster's one, but I rarely ever go there anymore so I don't really care. My other friend has it and I don't even know if she lost it or not. I am not sure if the card is linked to my e-mail address either, so I could transfer my points and stuff to a new card. Oh well. I effing love the cuteness of the prizes in their claw machines at Round 1, but I suck so much nuts at them. Playing them is a waste of money. Oh well...who needs cute stuffed cats anyway?! I'm grown! ; ____________ ;
And as usual, we took purikura pictures. I have so many that I have three large picture frames full of them. I use frames because I like displaying them rather than putting them in a scrapbook. Ugh. I looked especially weird that night but whatever. Thanks a lot, auto airbrush and eye enlarging purikura machine. 
While you're at it, you also take advantage of the lighting. And after uploading the photo to Instagram, you realize that the photo is almost identical to one you uploaded two weeks earlier.
I also had dinner with Lisa two weeks earlier but it was at a local Mexican restaurant since she had a living social deal. I don't know how much she paid for it but she basically paid for my meal that night. Gawd, I love her. What a friend. *tears*. She basically had to order at least 30 dollars worth of food and pay the remaining amount which was around four bucks and some change.  She got a giant burrito that she only half finished and I got this plate thing that I wasn't expecting to turn out so healthy looking. The fish was salmon but I always thought salmon meat was pink? Nonetheless, it was delicious.We also shared a chicken quesadilla and some fries.
I am on the verge of ending my entry so here are some cheap-o looking "Outfit of the day" photos I took and look fat in.
Forever21 had a free shipping code the other day, so I bought some shorts as a result (as if I don't already have enough).
I swear, if these were for females, they'd be $10 at most. So yeah, I pretty much have shorts in an array of colors, materials, and fits now. *eheheh*
I also bought another 16oz bottle of Treatment/BP from via Amazon since my bottle is starting to pump out air. That means it is running low. It comes out to about $42 total but it lasts about 4-5 months, so it's like $10 a month to prevent my acne from getting any worse. And if I just happen to get all hormonal, I have the power of makeup to look less gross.

Lastly, I was reading this article about how deceptive before and after pictures could be and found some really good quotes to stand or live by. I mean, most of these came to me by realization, but it's nice to read someone else basically saying the same thing you are experiencing.

"The reasons these programs become so popular is because they are presented and marketed very well. These marketing campaigns use testimonials and before-and-after transformation photos. Before I claim it's all bullshit, I want to make it clear that there are definitely some very impressive, genuine physical transformations out there. What I do take issue with are the transformations that are manipulated with Photoshop, professional lighting, postures to degrade or enhance their look, pro tans, sucking in or pushing out a bloated belly or flexing muscles vs. not flexing to obtain an optimal look.
In my opinion, these photos are selling false or exaggerated promises of what 90 days, etc., of their program can achieve. Long-lasting results take years of consistency, hard work and dedication. Results that happen quickly are often temporary, and this is another factor that needs to be taken into account when looking at these transformations. Did the individual cut calories to starvation levels or cut out entire food groups to reach a very low body fat percentage for the photo shoot, only to rebound a few days or weeks later? This must be considered when setting your goals and expectations based on someone's program."

"What's my point? Don't try to look like anyone you see in a transformation photo. Be inspired, but don't be disappointed if you don't see yourself the way you see those models. Being tricked into eating low-calorie diets and doing endless cardio is a recipe for fat gain, especially in the long term. Forget about the quick transformations and focus on a life of healthy eating, well-managed stress levels, quality sleep and plenty of movement. Spend time with people who have similar goals and values and take time to appreciate yourself the way you are right now. Don't beat yourself up if you eat a cookie, just enjoy that cookie and everything else life has to offer.
We all spend too much time sucking in our guts, trying to look the way we think society thinks we should. Don't waste any more energy trying to compete with everyone else.
It's all smoke and mirrors." -- Seduced by the Illusion: The Truth About Transformation Photos by Andrew Dixon (Huffington Post)

I've bolded the parts I thought were important. I felt like I'd be leaving out too much if I didn't paste the rest of the other stuff (which was almost the entire article). I've been seeing people replace their meals with juices over the past couples of months and swearing it's like the best decision they've ever made in their life, but it's not like they can't lose weight the conventional way by healthy eating. I, for one, could never give up enjoying food. People are so quick to expect results and I think the article illustrates how deceptive short term workouts and diets can be. I'm far from getting the hot body I want, but I've long accepted the fact and am willing to work for it. I don't torture myself by eliminating the good tasting things in life completely and just make more conscious choices. I've also learned to like veggies more but I'm far from being a health nut. The point I'm trying to make is you shouldn't torture yourself, I guess. If you make it a lifestyle change and keep at it, you'll eventually get there. And if you decide to TREAT YO SELF and binge, you won't feel as guilty either because your body won't just instantly bounce back to being more jiggly.

I mean, I could totally say "omg! guys! I've been working out so hard. look at my results!" and post these for the sake of attempting to get more attention.
But in reality, my usual body looks more like this right now. Lighting and angle also plays a big part in it because sometimes, I see nothing at all.
I have such a frat guy body and I don't even drink beer, ugh. Here's just some more at a different angle with a little touch of deception. You can't see my arms much in the above pictures anyway. I might as well. Oh! If you guys ever go outside running and some people act all dumb and immature, just explicitly take a picture of them with your smartphone (I jog with mine). It'll creep them out and you have a picture if anything happens to you. I sadly realized that later on when some stupid ass high school kid was running beside me on night singing Justin Bieber's "Baby" for like 7 seconds. It's like "get the fuck outta here! I DON'T NEED YOUR SHIT!".
I'm always looking at models with hotter bodies which is kind of a double edged sword (when you admire something but it also hurts your self esteem) but I like to think they worked just as hard as you do for your own body, rather than them getting their bodies quickly. I can't exactly spend time with people who have the same goals as me since I lack friends, but I make up for it in drive, very isolated drive. When I see guys complain about how skinny they are, I'm thinking "you must've not kept at it long enough or made that big enough of an effort". I was once a twig too. And to note, I've only taken 100% whey protein for a period of around, more or less, 1.5 years between 2009 and 2011. I have long since taken any supplements besides the daily multivitamin and omega 3 fish oil.
This was me in 2007. I don't know why my eyes look all gross. I look like I'm sick in this.
Look at my friggin' arm!
I took speech class like a looong time ago and our professor made everyone record themselves on VHS. I wonder if I still have mine, lol. The date is wrong on the video though. It was recorded between 2007 and 2008
I don't even know how old this is. Probably between 2005-2006.
There really is no excuse to not be able to allocate 1.5~2 hours of your day to exercise. Even some of the hardest working people (like work two jobs + go to school full time) I've come across the interwebs can make time to keep themselves fit. Like, I'd hit that kind of fit. There isn't really that much of an excuse. You also want to be healthy so that's part of being healthy. Or maybe they're loners like me?...hmm. Well anyway, I can see the path of my vein from, like, across my chest and down my bicep now. I just need to get lean enough to get that vein poppin'. *mad flaming eyes emoji* 

Also being the crazy person that I am, I was looking for Samoyed breeders in California and found two that seem active online, so I will probably get in contact with them next year. All the other ones had really tacky and outdated websites so I assume they aren't active or something. I'll either be driving like 6 hours up north or almost 2 hours down south to get my fluffy white lion. *cry* OH! And to add, did you know there's a thing called "barkbox" which is like those beauty box things you get monthly, BUT FOR DOGS?! HOW FREAKING CUTE IS THAT?!
I ramble too much. To end, I'll just complain that I'm sad to hear Rashida Jones and Rob Lowe are leaving Parks and Recreation. I foresee it as a sign for low viewership and ultimately lead to the cancellation of the show. I think this might be the future of Glee too, since Finn passed away.  I'm also sad to find out that The New Normal is officially cancelled! That show was so current, clever, and amusing. Ugh! I'm so disappointed in NBC. They use to have all the good shows. The only show they got going for them now is probably The Voice (hah!). Right now, I'm really enjoying Devious Maids and hoping they'll get renewed for a second season. We're almost halfway into the first season already. Furthermore, I'm going to start watching the political drama The Newsroom because it seems really good and I adore Olivia Munn a whole bunch. They're currently airing the second season so I need to catch up. Other than that, ANTM is back on air, I'm also watching Project Runway Season 12, Chinese Idol, The Voice of China Season 2. I think that's it. Is this what all boring old people do or just me? ; _____________ ; ciao~


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