Monday, November 16, 2015

Time Warp.

I'm almost 11 months into being a gym regular and 3 months into being a jobless piece of trash.

I don't know where to begin. I know being an adult wasn't meant to be easy but you'd think the window of opportunity would be bigger?  One of my itineraries every week is to find and apply to at least one job listing in my desired field. I must have emailed and applied to over 20 jobs so far and I've yet landed a single interview. I did receive two rejection notices but I feel like there's no way I can be passed over so easily. I am not sure if it is because I went to an affordable and less prestigious college or my last name is not Caucasian sounding. Maybe it's the fact that I am Asian or I don't seem to fit their "image", but it is definitely wearing me down. Part of me is left wondering if finding a media job in the entertainment industry THAT competitive or does everyone else also have the same skill sets as I do? I am multilingual and I consider myself pretty worldly. I do my research and I continue to educate myself on various subjects, but it doesn’t seem to matter?

Attending grad school is too big of a gamble at this point and I wouldn't even know what to master in anyway. My mom is working two jobs right now and my dad was laid off a couple months ago (again). My useless brother still hasn't worked a day in his life, and I probably blog about that at least once a year since he's turned 18 (he's like 23 now). I am basically living on my savings right now, which is slowly being chipped away at and my mom keeps talking as if the step I took to try and propel myself forward into the real world was the dumbest thing ever. She would say "not working for three months is like throwing three thousand dollars away" or "you should've kept working while finding a new job". It's like she doesn't get the concept of taking chances and it's not like I DO NOT WANT to work. I would work overtime for 6 months straight and everyday of the week if I got the opportunity to work the kind of job I want. Moreover, had I not left my job, my familiarity with Adobe Premiere and After Effects would be no where near where it is right now.

As much as I'd love support and security, my current situation doesn't have much of either. I decided that if I don't find a new job by the new year, I would contact my old boss and see if I can go back for the time being. Never did I want to crawl back, but I don't exactly want to waste my life working a meaningless job in the service sector for the sake of working either. It totally sucks because I think most of my coworkers have left already, so I'll be going back to a familiar place with an almost entirely new staff but I'll at least I have a bunch of kids who will remember me.

I also happened to receive a jury duty notice to serve for the week after Thanksgiving. What great timing. I'm just hoping that I'll have to report but I don't actually get called to a court case. Judging from my past experiences, however, I don't think that will happen but I know exactly what I'll do if I happen to sit in a jury and they try to select me as a juror. I kind of wish that I could've reversed my registration and postpone my date to the week of Christmas because I think the likelihood of me doing anything during that would be slim, but it didn't occur to me until afterwards.
What else happened since I last wrote in here?
One of my former coworkers moved into one of the complexes near my home. It was so funny seeing her randomly stop her car while I'm on the sidewalk with my dog and she asked if I lived around "here". I remember her saying how her grandma lives on the same street as me but I didn't think it'd be on MY street, because my street stretches pretty far and I remember her instagramming that her grandma had moved back to Taiwan. Now whenever I see her drive by in the afternoon, I have to awkwardly wave at her.

There's also this other former coworker who moved into the complexes adjacent to my backyard. I don't think she knows though because I recognized her (and I know what car she drives) but she never confronted me or tried to get my attention. I don't know her as well either, so whatever. I thought it was just so strange how I live within such close proximity to two of my former coworkers.

When it comes to getting that gym body that I've always wanted, I'm 11 months in and I'm almost at the point where my monthly dues will be lowered to $30 instead of $35. I'd feel so much better about it if I actually was making money. And because I have no life, I would literally go to the gym during the forthcoming major holidays too, if it were open. Sadly, I can't and I'll miss out on about 3 days or so. I'm thinking about just running at the park those days but I don't know if it'll rain or be wicked cold or windy. I also don't want to possibly injure myself and my right wrist hasn't been the most kind to me either, so I'll most likely just not do anything those days besides the a bum.

The other day, I got asked to spot for the first time and I was like "okay...sure". I don't attempt to bench with the bar because I want to be able to press heavy and those hammer strength chairs are usually empty. Also the last time I used a barbell to do arm curls, I was really shaky and unbalanced so I don't even try. I arm curl with EZ bars, by the way, but I'm totally going off topic. When I got over to his bench, I said " am I supposed to do this? I've never done this before" and then when he was trying to explain... I was just like "where does your hands go, so I know where to put mine" and then he basically did everything himself. YAY? I'm SUCH a loner...haha...(Which is why I really love my Bluetooth headphones because they do such a good job at blocking out noise and giving me good bass and range. It's an almost otherworldly feeling where all you hear is the music that channels what you're feeling and you let out all the built up stress/anger/frustration that's been in you by sweating it out.) Awhile back, this other dude also asked me how much I was pressing on the leg press because he wanted legs like mine. I thought that was weird because I don't exactly like my legs and they aren't even defined looking, so it's like a random "" situation for me. I basically said not that much and the most I press was four 45 pound  plates + two 35 pound plates which is like 250 pounds (and not including the weight of that sliding piece). That's also only two sets. My leg presses set of 10 with four 45 pound plates (two on each side) and then two sets of 10 @ the 250 pounds (three plates on each side) and then back to one set of 10 @ 180 pounds again, and then move on to next workout. The funny thing is that I saw him press yesterday and he presses more than me. The only difference is that I fully let the sliding piece almost reach the safety stop before pressing back up (but not fully extending and locking my legs because you'll end up putting a lot of pressure your knees)

I'm still far from having a superhero chest but they've definitely grown. I wish achieving a great body didn't take so long but it really proves a person's dedication (too bad it's not a marker for intelligence, compassion, or how humble a person can be). I have been stepping up my ab game since that Halloween video I posted up. I still have such a poochy stomach but I think it looks a bit nicer since adding incline sit ups to my routine. I just want a nice stomach that looks good on camera, still far from that...but at least my upper body looks good ~__~;;.
August 27, 2015.
November 14, 2015.

November 8, 2015
November 2, 2015
I don't even know why I bother taking these because I'm stuffed full of water right before snapping a few photos, but it helps track progress. I mean, I use to think I was the shit looking like this...
2012 me.
10/14/2015 me. (closest comparison I could find)
I don't know what to type anymore.

I left this in my drafts a couple days ago. Since then, I got another formal rejection notice from Hulu this morning. I'm not sure if it's just one of those standard protocol things to give you a light blow by saying that you're "great" and follow up with a "we've decided to pass on you" or if my resume is actually "impressive"...sigh. It'd be nice if my YouTube channel had more traffic. I don't even care to make that much from it. $100 a month would be good enough (because that's the amount you need to reach before they actually pay you), but I'm just going to keep working on it anyway. I already have the foundation set and I really just need to keep on building.




Post a Comment