Saturday, September 2, 2017

Back to School!..........

Whenever a nice blog reader inquires about my well-being,  I am graced by a sense of compassion from other people and I don't feel that often for months on end. Obviously, this happened very recently or I wouldn't be on here. I've also been feeling a bit sad since I couldn't get into a class I needed (reason #2), but I'll going into further detail later. I think if my Blogger account was connected to my YouTube one, I'd be more inclined to check activity on here more often, but no one really reads anymore. Statistically speaking, if I were to post a pointless video to my YouTube channel, I'd get 5 times more views for that one pointless video than I would 3+ blog entries combined. Typing on here is mostly for times where I feel sort of hopeless and I need an outlet to rehash my thoughts and re-prioritize. I literally only get a penny or two each month from blog hits (lol).

I hate how I can read my old entries multiple times and still catch typos. The thought of someone else reading it is embarrassing.

Well anyway, going back on my last entry, I don't think I mentioned that around the beginning of that month, I had to give up a stray cat to the shelter because I knew nothing about cats and I wasn't sure of the financial burden that taking in a kitten would be. I also still had to pay off my dog's hospital bill at the time, so it was hard. I still kind of regret not keeping it. That kitten was so affectionate and really just wanted to be around my family, but the timing was so bad. 9 months later, I learned that cats are obligate carnivores and when it comes to their health, they're actually not too problematic. Besides the potential for obesity and people not feeding a scientifically formulated diet (which can cause urinary stones), they're pretty robust. There's also the potential of feline HIV and the need for vaccines, but a fixed and healthy cat wouldn't be as bad as a purebred dog, in theory. I think that's one of the reasons why people tend to have more than one cat as pets. I took the kitten as a sign from my dog saying "DON'T BE SAD! HERE CAT!!!!" but I just couldn't keep it....

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Sigh~I still miss my animals so much though. It's not necessarily a bad thing since I'm so emotionally invested in my education because of them, but I also miss the physical companionship that they give. I started going back to school in January but my first semester was just a PE class to fulfill a requirement. I couldn't get any other classes being that I was a new student with no units on record, so I had a super late registration date. What double sucks is that since I already graduated, I really had no other classes to take besides my RVT classes and that PE class because all my general education courses had already been completed. After that PE dance conditioning class I mentioned in my last entry, I took an Animal Nutrition class and nothing else because of the whole priority registration thing again. I got an A in it but I had no other reason not to, because it was my only class. In the summer, I finished an Animal Science class in 6 weeks and also got an A in it (my grade was literally like 100.17% at the end of it). When my registration opened for fall, I literally couldn't get any classes until my summer professor emailed the class saying more classes were added but I think it was only for her to tell us about her Feline Management class which I am enrolled in. The plan for this semester was to go to the first year lecture classes I need because I know the ones with labs are smaller and the classrooms can't accommodate more students, so I went to a Veterinary Office Procedures/ Medical Terminology class and an Animal Sanitation and Disease class to try and get myself added into them. I'm thankful to be added into one but sad that I couldn't the other, because I'm basically trying to play "catch up" and even out the semesters where I went in taking only one class. I'm not too bummed though, just annoyed at the fact that I literally wasted an hour of my life driving for that chance to get added in. I know my Feline Management class isn't going to be too hard and I really just need to concentrate on the Vet Office/Medical Terminology class because that stuff is hard. Like, I still don't know what makes a rupture (-rrhexis) different from a burst (-rrhage). There's also all the greek and latin words for things, BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT. Stuff like this makes me question whether I'm really cut out for it...but I will power through, I guess.

Basically all the classes I need to take...+240 hours of work experience+2 exams (national and state) before I can call myself a Veterinary Technician/Nurse.
In other news, I've stopped drinking milk for over half a year now and my skin isn't exactly super clear but I think the pimples are less severe. Since my RVT classes also focuses on agriculture because of the other domestic animals (cows, goats, sheep, horses, chickens, etc.), I learned that organic produce and regular ones aren't that significantly different aside from the price. Even when products are marked as organic, there's still a small percentage that the item can be considered not organic, yet sold with that certification. Moreover, the risk involved with eating GMO produce and organic are the same. In regards to milk, there is approved hormones for cows to produce more milk but the processing that goes into the milk before it reaches a carton or jug kills off any remains of the drug before it reaches the consumer, so I am not too picky when it comes to produce. You know how much more expensive organic blueberries are compared to ones that aren't marked "organic"??? WAY MORE!!

When it comes to my current physical state, I hate my stomach but at least I notice my bicep veins more. I don't know if it's because I've incorporated more fruits and that plant-based meal shake into my daily food intake or it's just the gradual changing of my body, but it's progress I'll take. If you ever want to really change your body but think "oh, I'll do it when the time is right", just get to it because REAL fundamental change is VERY GRADUAL and SLOW. You don't see any of those Instagram fitness models and bodybuilders go to competitions after just training for two years. It's more like 5+ years of exercising and diet tweaking. In my case, I don't care to look vascular. I just want to look good but not like "woah, he must have a strict diet to look like that" kind of good.

I'm not a morning person either, so I like to get my exercise in before bed. There are always articles that say morning is better but as long as you get yourself to the gym, it's all that matters. I also like to study and read over notes while I'm there, so it's better when there's less people around. On cardio days, I literally just read over notes with my mom's iPad while pedaling on the cardio bike for an hour. For lifting days, I don't usually read over notes unless a test is the next day but now that I have more to study, I just put those same PDFs into my phone and read through them paragraphs at a time during rests. I think it's perfect because I'm awake and I force myself to read it. Furthermore, I'm not wasting my phone's data so I can use it some other time and not get myself throttled. I kind of wish I did that during undergrad, maybe my GPA would've been higher.

In my Animal Science class during the summer, the guy that sat next to me was someone who just started college at the age of 26. I totally forgot to mention my stupid ass brother to him during those 6 weeks. My brother still hasn't done anything besides play computer games, while having 3 different mangas open through his internet browser, and simultaneously having a dumb ass game stream on his second monitor. He bought himself a new computer monitor even when his old one wasn't even broken, a new light-up computer keyboard, a new phone, and never gives any significant amount to my mom. I still resent getting him that job. It's all my mom's fault. She felt so hopeless as a mother who couldn't provide and watching him not do anything with his life hurts, so I'm guilted into filling that void but also resenting it because he is still a piece of trash. I forgot to mention he buys an absurd amount of candy to eat while he sits in front of his computer all day and night, not caring for his health nor his teeth properly. He'll probably be diagnosed with diabetes eventually, as he is also significantly overweight. It's like he expects my mom to still take care of him and pay for his bill if he ends up fainting or something.

My closest friend is engaged, so I've been kind of alone for quite a while now. She moved into an apartment with her fiance and got a new car, so I don't want to make her spend unnecessary money to hang out. I guess I've been buying takeout sushi as a replacement. We still text but it's often left hanging after a few replies. I should be use to this kind of solitude by now, yet I'm still stricken with sadness from time to time. Oh well...

Going back on my mom, it was also me who found her a new job after being laid off from American Apparel for almost a year. I was looking for job listings that had the word "sewing" and "Los Angeles" in it and found some small bedding manufacturer that hired her. It's funny because she's literally the only Asian in the workplace and everyone else is of Latin descent. She's been working there since February, I think. You don't know how much frustrated bitching and arguing happened during her time of unemployment. She swears like being a millennial isn't difficult either. The buying power of minimum wage then isn't even the same as it is currently.
I'm both the sun and the taller human! (I think)
Between February and now (September), I haven't done much. Besides classes, I still work with my kids but not as much as I use to. I forced my brother to come see our accountant in March with my mom and me, even though I knew he didn't make enough to actually be required to file. I just wanted to force him to sit and listen about finances and maybe the accountant can ask him about what he plans to do in the future and whatnot. It was like an episode of Maury to my accountant probably. The year before that, my mom literally started to cry in front of him because she didn't know what to do with him (she still doesn't). It was a conversation that basically went...I always wanted to do [THIS]...[BUT]...many times...and it's like...don't fucking make excuses for yourself. You are a fucking adult and you make your own decisions. Your immigrant mother can only do so much for you.

June was the last time I actually hung out with my IRL friend. I also watched Wonder Woman (2017) with my mom because I didn't want to watch the movie by myself and I just really wanted to watch that movie in the theater. I guess I'm going to try to make a thing where I'd force her to watch a movie with me and then we go eat at a nice Chinese restaurant that isn't near our home. At this point in time, it'll probably be all the DCEU movies. I know my mom cried during the Ares fight bit, so anything with Wonder Woman in it gets the green light. I feel like DC pays more attention to quality and their writing more than Marvel does. The DCEU movies are also more gritty and realistic compared to the MCU. I feel like Disney/ Marvel is more focused on good story telling while DCEU is more about emphasizing certain morals or ideals, but I watch both. I'm just super partial to the Jusice League, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, the Inhumans, and the X-Men because I read them too.
I look fat and gross but that's my mom's fault, she took the pic and birthed me (lol). But anyway, I watched Wonder Woman today. And if you didn't already know, it's the first superhero film to be directed by a woman and the third film with a budget of 100+mil to be directed by a woman. She also happens to be one of my favorite superheroes. I always liked Greek mythology as a kid (heck, even my dog's name was Greek mythology inspired) and I had Xena instead Lynda Carter Wonder Woman, but how Wonder Woman intersects and resonates with reality...everything she stands for...her intelligence...her skill as a warrior, I admire and aspire. Call me lame but these stories give me more confidence and strength than any self-help guide or song. I saw nothing wrong with Man of Steel, Batman v Superman, or Suicide Squad, so I obviously loved this movie. I hope it encourages people to read comics and support future superhero films with female leads and prominent diverse characters. I also can't wait for Justice League in November (and Aquaman next year)! Support this gem of a movie. If you thought Black Widow kicked ass in The Winter Soldier and Civil War, this is BEYOND!!!!!! ok bye.
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Sadly, Marvel is producing an Inhumans television series with the cheapest production staff possible and the X-Men movie/television franchise isn't owned by Disney so it's really restricted on character and story use.

DC's television shows aren't that great either but I think it's their story adaptations which gets them their dedicated following for Arrow, Flash, etc. I only really like watching Legends of Tomorrow but they don't even have a dedicated comic. Their characters are great, however, and the dynamics of the show is fun to watch. Sara Lance and Vixen are my queens!!!!!

I'm going off topic. Well anyway, between the end of my summer class and the start of my job again, I asked my parents if they wanted to go to the aquarium because their half priced tickets after 5 pm and extended summer hours was still going on and I've been wanting to go back there for YEARS. Both said yes, brother said no, so the three of us went on a Thursday evening. The drive was kind of awful because half of the trip is the same way to the airport and when we reached Long Beach, it wasn't even that much cooler than it was at home. Either way, I saw a bunch of cool animals I don't normally see and even some HUGE sharks and rays. You can go through the entire Aquarium of the Pacific within 1.5 hours though, so I guess the half priced tickets were worth it. Especially if you get there after 6 pm, most of the visitors start to leave and all the exhibits won't have crowds over them by then. I really want to go to the Georgia Aquarium after that visit. We took a walk around the light house and then bought takeout for dinner and called it a day.
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Other than that, I haven't really done much. I caught up on most of my comics. I unknowingly finished Uncanny Inhumans (2015-2017) which was nice but seems rushed. It was only 20 issues and then Marvel would put out like another 5 new series of something else, while it would take DC like 40+ issues of one title before they do some reboot.

To end...

Mentally, I'm in a okay place. I'm living day to day and just trying to do good, but I also wouldn't mind dying either. I don't know. Although I'm in an okay place, I'm not stable. After reading this, you could probably understand why going to the gym is important to me. The gym is a place for me to be at peace for a couple of hours as my music gets me through how I'm feeling. I can work on my physical form so I can kick ass if needed and indirectly tell people who thought I was uncool to SUCK IT. I can also prevent myself from being both physically and mentally ill, so there are many benefits to doing just one thing (or two...because cardiovascular exercise + strength training). I'm also super cheap and don't like wasting money, so I make an effort to go every single day.

As Dory would say...

I totally forgot to share some photos from walks around the school farm.
Okay, it's just a couple photos of horses. I also have a boomerang of a cow and a picture of a grazing pen for sheep but it's kind of boring. Horses, on the other hand, are fun! They still kind of scare me because they're so big (and they aren't even draft horses). Some do bite but most of the ones at school are very friendly.
That baby horse is okay. It's just being lazy and rolling around in the dirt. Contrary to what I thought, a pony is not a baby horse but a specific kind of horse (they're supposed to be the height of 14 hands or shorter). A foal is the proper word for a baby horse. And among other things, I watched a doctor do a rectal examination of a female horse that was ready to be artificially inseminated. He was looking for the follicles in the uterus through an ultrasound to make sure only one egg would be produced because it's not ideal for a mare (female horse) to have twins. The mother wouldn't be able to adequately feed both foals if that were to happen, so either the baby would be at risk or the mother (the same goes for cows!). I totally thought the horse would go NEIIIIIGGGGGHHHH!!!! when the doctor shoved his arm into the butt, but she didn't even really move much.

That is all...


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