Wednesday, June 13, 2018


Almost a year has passed since my last entry, yikes. Looking at the entry prior to this one, seeing that kitten still breaks my heart. Knowing what I know now, the coat condition of it is pretty concerning and it could've tested positive for something infectious, so maybe it had to be put down...who knows.

I actually have a laboratory practicum I should be frantically studying for but at this point, I'm kind of over it and want to wing it. I'll obviously still study but I'm not deep into my document file trying to memorize every little detail. I'm just hoping I have all the pictures that might appear in it and pray that I don't have to know anything statistical because all I really know from memory is that the average red blood cell amount in a microliter of dog blood is between 6 and 9 million red blood cells and cats is between 5 and 10 million per microliter of blood.

Funny thing about my most recent class is that I've scored the highest in the last three exams in my clinical pathology class and it's just absolutely wild to me. I actually think I have the highest grade in class, even though it's not an A and it most likely won't be after this practicum (I've only managed to get it to an 87% because I don't always get good scores on the daily quizzes...sigh). The RVT director was saying how hard it is and my vet office professor said it was her only C in college, so I was like... I guess I'll take it later on...but I really had no choice but to take it now or prolong my time in the program.

The average exam score is always a D and this is a medical class so in order to even pass the class, you need AT LEAST a 75% or higher. The other day, I was backing out of the driveway and I had a sudden memory jolt in my head of how I failed Algebra 2 in high school with a D and had to retake it in the summer to pass, but now I'm doing simple medical math that the rest of the class doesn't seem to comprehend. Sure, the terms can be confusing and the way they phrase the formula is a bit odd but it's definitely something that can be understood within an hour. FURTHERMOREI DON'T EVEN WORK IN AN ANIMAL HOSPITAL!! I GOT REJECTED FROM MY ONLY INTERVIEW FOR ONE!! MY DUMB ASS EVEN STUPIDLY POKED MYSELF ONE LAB DAY WITH A SYRINGE WHILE PULLING OFF THE CAP AND BENDING THE NEEDLE WITH MY FINGER (FULLY KNOWING THAT IT IS SHARP). I'M ALSO ONE OF ONLY 3 BOYS IN THE CLASS!!! What's also funny is that some people in my class are taking it the 2nd time (so technically they have a leg up and should be scoring better?) and a lot of my classmates have taken more advanced courses than me (like veterinary pharmacology, radiology, medical nursing, etc), but I still managed to outscore them. It's SO WEIRD and tt sucks when I get an exam question and it asks like "which of these medications can't be used to treat heartworm microfilariae?" or something and I have no idea what any of the choices are, but it's only one question. Wild, man, that's all I can say. I was literally on the wait-list for that class because I chickened out and dropped it the first time, but I told myself that I'm smart and I would take it anyway because it was one of the only 2 classes I was able to actually register into (being that my program has outgrown the number of people they can actually accommodate). I still have some first year classes to finish but after summer, I can actually start doing my volunteer work experience requirement since I would be taught handling and animal restraint and would be able to put it into real world use then (it's also required). Maybe that's why the doctor kind of chuckled when she asked if she really saw my name in her roster for the summer class, because I have one of the highest grades but I'm not even towards the latter end of the program?... lol...(it's supposed to be one of the first classes you take but I can't because I have no seniority when it comes to registering for classes)

Either way, it feels nice. I feel sort of validated that I made the right choice in going back to school and seeking the right profession, especially since this is one of the classes everyone seems to dread. There were many hurdles, tests, rejections, and even a death, but it seems to be working out. I kind of wish I had a real pet sooner and not as I'm going to turn 30, maybe I could've been a veterinarian by now or something. I still have a year or so before I'm finished, but I'm pretty much almost halfway into my 2nd college degree. I never thought I'd have a 2nd degree, or even a degree in STEM for that matter, but it's possible! You CAN hate math and science (even though you like animals) and still have a STEM degree!  You don't actually have to learn anatomical molecular fusion calculus AD/BC! (Stuff I wish I knew when I was a teenager...)

*It should be noted that I don't study insanely hard, even though I complain about being tired and sleep deprived all the time. I just study efficiently and am smart enough to condense and reorganize my notes, so that I can reread the lesson multiple times to retain more information. I also unknowingly have been organizing more specific information into cornell styled tables in my doc (that part only occurred to me because a girl in my class saw my notes and said it). The organizing was especially useful when one of my exam questions which asked what family of parasitic worms "taenia pisiformis" was in and I remembered that I put it below "dipylidium caninum" which I knew was a common dog/cat tapeworm transmitted by fleas, but taenia pisiformis is a tapeworm (cestode) transmitted by eating a rabbit.

Saturday, September 2, 2017

Back to School!..........

Whenever a nice blog reader inquires about my well-being,  I am graced by a sense of compassion from other people and I don't feel that often for months on end. Obviously, this happened very recently or I wouldn't be on here. I've also been feeling a bit sad since I couldn't get into a class I needed (reason #2), but I'll going into further detail later. I think if my Blogger account was connected to my YouTube one, I'd be more inclined to check activity on here more often, but no one really reads anymore. Statistically speaking, if I were to post a pointless video to my YouTube channel, I'd get 5 times more views for that one pointless video than I would 3+ blog entries combined. Typing on here is mostly for times where I feel sort of hopeless and I need an outlet to rehash my thoughts and re-prioritize. I literally only get a penny or two each month from blog hits (lol).

I hate how I can read my old entries multiple times and still catch typos. The thought of someone else reading it is embarrassing.

Well anyway, going back on my last entry, I don't think I mentioned that around the beginning of that month, I had to give up a stray cat to the shelter because I knew nothing about cats and I wasn't sure of the financial burden that taking in a kitten would be. I also still had to pay off my dog's hospital bill at the time, so it was hard. I still kind of regret not keeping it. That kitten was so affectionate and really just wanted to be around my family, but the timing was so bad. 9 months later, I learned that cats are obligate carnivores and when it comes to their health, they're actually not too problematic. Besides the potential for obesity and people not feeding a scientifically formulated diet (which can cause urinary stones), they're pretty robust. There's also the potential of feline HIV and the need for vaccines, but a fixed and healthy cat wouldn't be as bad as a purebred dog, in theory. I think that's one of the reasons why people tend to have more than one cat as pets. I took the kitten as a sign from my dog saying "DON'T BE SAD! HERE CAT!!!!" but I just couldn't keep it....
A post shared by Peter 🐈 (@petehizzle) on

Sigh~I still miss my animals so much though. It's not necessarily a bad thing since I'm so emotionally invested in my education because of them, but I also miss the physical companionship that they give. I started going back to school in January but my first semester was just a PE class to fulfill a requirement. I couldn't get any other classes being that I was a new student with no units on record, so I had a super late registration date. What double sucks is that since I already graduated, I really had no other classes to take besides my RVT classes and that PE class because all my general education courses had already been completed. After that PE dance conditioning class I mentioned in my last entry, I took an Animal Nutrition class and nothing else because of the whole priority registration thing again. I got an A in it but I had no other reason not to, because it was my only class. In the summer, I finished an Animal Science class in 6 weeks and also got an A in it (my grade was literally like 100.17% at the end of it). When my registration opened for fall, I literally couldn't get any classes until my summer professor emailed the class saying more classes were added but I think it was only for her to tell us about her Feline Management class which I am enrolled in. The plan for this semester was to go to the first year lecture classes I need because I know the ones with labs are smaller and the classrooms can't accommodate more students, so I went to a Veterinary Office Procedures/ Medical Terminology class and an Animal Sanitation and Disease class to try and get myself added into them. I'm thankful to be added into one but sad that I couldn't the other, because I'm basically trying to play "catch up" and even out the semesters where I went in taking only one class. I'm not too bummed though, just annoyed at the fact that I literally wasted an hour of my life driving for that chance to get added in. I know my Feline Management class isn't going to be too hard and I really just need to concentrate on the Vet Office/Medical Terminology class because that stuff is hard. Like, I still don't know what makes a rupture (-rrhexis) different from a burst (-rrhage). There's also all the greek and latin words for things, BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT. Stuff like this makes me question whether I'm really cut out for it...but I will power through, I guess.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

And then comes February.

I just looked at the date and January is already almost over. Chinese New Year just happened, so I am feeling a bit more optimistic and festive than usual, but I also feel down as I occasionally feel a slump and see the ghost of my dog in places where he'd usually be. It's hard when you don't have many friends nor much money to go out once a week or so. There's also the fact that I don't want to be bothersome or clingy, so I just sit in front of the computer.

I feel like typing on my blog because I don't want to make a video and take the time to edit it when it doesn't really have much substance to it. As much as I'd like to try and quadruple my monthly views by giving people what they want, buying an unnecessary amount of underwear makes no sense and I'd like to keep it gradual as I'm trying to lower my body fat and transition to a more plant-based diet.

I'm so glad I took this dance conditioning class and ended up being more informed about health since it encouraged me to change my diet now opposed to later. My acne has also been really bad for the past month, so I really needed to change something because my acne hasn't been this bad in a long time. Usually, I get pimples here and there which is normal, but I've been getting inflammation and bumps that last more than a 2 weeks and then I get new ones on top of that. Dairy has always been something I really like and I drink milk everyday but knowing that I'm not supposed to drink a milk that isn't of my own species and how the fat and sugar content is high got me reconsidering. There's also the whole steroid or hormone use on cows that may indirectly affect humans too, so it's just safer to quit it now while I have the will to. It doesn't mean that I'm going to go all strict and ask for non-dairy creamer in my coffee and stuff. But for whatever is at home, dairy is out.

My acne is still apparent and I'm still getting some new ones, but it's only been about 6 days since I stopped drinking milk. Usually people just switch to soy milk or almond milk as an alternative, BUT I HATE BOTH. I don't enjoy the taste of soy milk and I don't enjoy the nutty taste of almond or cashew either. Furthermore, when they say the texture of almond or cashew milk is closest to milk, I still find it thicker than actual whole milk. Recently, I bought the plant-based chocolate milk by Ripple and it definitely tastes like chocolate milk, but still I find it too thick for my liking. The only alternative I can tolerate is rice milk because it doesn't get me all "burpy" and it's not thick at all. The unflavored version reminds me of drinking tea and doesn't remind me of the days where I would make protein shakes. The only thing that sort of bothers me is that there is no higher protein version of it and if I want to keep my muscle mass, I'm supposed to eat around 180 grams of protein a day (1g for every pound you weigh). The rice milk only has 1 gram per serving.

At the moment, I'm not too focused on it though. If I do start noticing that I'm shrinking, then I'll just find another way to up the protein intake by making a high protein snack or cookie or something. I find quitting milk helps with sleep a bit since the lactose sugar can stimulate the brain, but it has done nothing really for my insomniac ass. Hopefully, this reduction in calories, fat content, and sugar does something for my body. I'll later start to cook and prep my own meals. I already have some things bookmarked because I need an Oreo and Tim Tams replacement.

In other news, my stupid brother got himself into a car accident with my mom's car a couple weeks ago. What kind of annoys me is that he didn't even bother to try and pay for the cost of fixing my mom's bumper. I also feel like it was an accident that could've been prevented but being how careless and apathetic about everything that my brother is, he was just like WOOP! SMASH!

It was a very minor bumper to bumper thing, but it's the least he could do when he got himself into that mess and I hope it reminds him that he's not a fucking baby anymore and that he should grow the fuck up. I still resent getting him a job because he just uses his earnings to buy stupid stuff and he's not doing anything to further advance his education (he's 25 and still hasn't finished undergrad). I don't see him do anything BESIDES playing games on one computer monitor and watching Twitch streams on a second. LOOK FOR AN AFFORDABLE SKILL TEACHING SCHOOL PROGRAM OR SOMETHING!!! Whenever I say stuff to get him thinking, he just gives me a smug look and says stupid shit like "get out of my room".

When it comes to trying to help out my mom, I've been looking through Craigslist and Google because whatever my mom finds through the Chinese newspapers doesn't really help. A lot of the jobs are either too physically demanding or scammer-y when it comes to wages. I have 1,000 more dollars to pay for my dog's hospital bill before I'm free and that should invoice should be coming in this week. I registered for class next semester, but I only got one when I really wanted two. I also had no choice but to sign up for that morning class because I lack the units that would give me a better date to register for classes. It's depressing because I want to get the classes out of the way as fast as possible so that I could really start working in the field, but it's just not happening....

Not to sound like a downer, but that's all that's really been happening. I've been trying a bit harder at the gym by pedaling harder on the bike and lifting a bit more. My TV shows are back on air. I got some poppin' new songs on my phone to work out to and watched a few new movies, but nothing to get too excited about. I did stumble upon a vegan earl grey cookie recipe while clicking back and forth between tabs. I'm pretty excited to try that out once my pack of Oreos runs out.

That is all.

PS: Oh...I turn 28 in, like, 18 days...ugh...FML.

Sunday, December 25, 2016


The gym is closed on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so I decided to just walk for an hour or so for the night. Especially since there is an event going on in Pokemon Go, I decided to try to hatch my eggs (all 5 km) with all the incubators I got. I have 4 or so, since I would only use them with 10 km eggs, but I haven't gone on a walk in months since my dog died. I have 1.5 km left before they hatch. So tomorrow, I should have some space to have a better chance at hatching some 2nd generation Pokemon.

I went our usual route and saw several dogs getting their walks. Totally made me feel down being that I was just walking by myself. I miss waiting at the red light and petting my Triton as he sat beside me. My hands started to freeze after the breeze started getting stronger and it hit me that I had finger-less gloves in my closet somewhere (currently using them as I type). I walked almost 4km in total, spun about 20 pokestops, and caught nothing out of the ordinary. Pondering where I should stop to take a quick picture without looking strange, I sat in front of a church for a bit and then proceeded home to have dinner.

Walking in the cold brought me back a memory I wanted to share on Instagram, but I didn't like the pictures I took, so I felt like posting it elsewhere. Back when Triton was almost 5 months old, I would walk him out at night but it was a nightmare since he would tug the leash like crazy. One night, I was so annoyed and yanked him for not walking at heel. I ended up ripping the pocket of one of my jackets in doing so because it was so cold that my hands were always stuffed in my pockets and a leash around my wrist. My mom eventually fixed the jacket for me and Triton ended up a good doggy. It wasn't like one of those memories to laugh back on but the setting took me back to a place.
As I gathered some noodles to heat up, my mom was like "went out with a friend? I saw you dressed and your room was empty" and I was like "who would I go out with?"...dialogue later proceeds to...

*Obviously this is all in Chinese
Mom: "We have all these people around and you can't make friends?"
Me: "No, I went to find a place to cry /sarcasm"
Me: "Who said I wanted friends."
Mom: "Why do you have to talk like that, like I did something wrong"
Me: "I never said you did anything wrong. I'm the person that is wrong"
Me: "I can't become a proper person. It's making me tired." (I don't know how to translate this into English)

And then my mom goes on about how this one time, there was this city hall job listing that she wanted me to try, but I never wanted to work in city government. I went through college because of the fact that it's expected of me to. I majored in Political Science because it was easiest for me to get through. She later says how I'm picky as hell and I say that I can say the same back. When I pitched to my mom she can get paid more serving samples on the weekends at the market, her excuse was she doesn't know how to drive to unfamiliar places. Later, she goes on about how not everything is easy and people move on and on until they find the right fit, how she struggles to make a nice dinner and I stopped her at that. I see the struggle and I'm not there to make it okay, but I also don't want to end up losing my goals and ambitions. That if I were to say, work at the post office, that I can't go back to school because I have to support. That everything will be put in the back burner and that's it, just work, sleep, repeat, too tired to do anything else. This is such a "first world problem" thing but she also says shit about how she came to the US to give me a better life than what she had and there are so many opportunities here, yet I'm being nudged to settle at the post office.

I know I can do so much more. I hate the fact or possibility that I might have to settle. My closest friend always thought that I'd be happiest if I was my own boss and I love the idea, but I literally got nothing when it comes to a business. I'm also scared as fuck about whether this Vet Tech thing will work out or not and maybe I really should've just tried working at the post office in the first place because what if both of my parents lost their jobs and we can't possibly insure four cars. My parents would have to sell the house and my good-for-nothing brother, who can't even finish undergrad, would still be bumming his dumb ass in a living room where we all sleep.

I feel so weak, full of fear and uncertainty. The weight of expectations and duties as a son, bringing me down to my own demise. And no one being there, because I vowed to myself that anyone who cut themselves from me would regret doing so, for I'd work to become something great.

...but I'm going to be 30 in no time...